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Thread Like Summary
1959, frscke1, Rusty Pancelode, Wedgy, WoodButcher
Total Likes: 26
Original Post (Thread Starter)
Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread #604793 03/04/2013 5:25 AM
by GhostRyder
GhostRyder
wanted to put this on it .

what do you call a hillbilly mansion?
a two story double wide Lol.
Liked Replies
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread #784721 Nov 4th a 09:27 PM
by Dyno_Dave
Dyno_Dave
Two physicians boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, an attorney got on and took the aisle seat next to the two physicians.

The attorney kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the physician in the window seat said,” I think I’ll get up and get a coke.”

“No problem,” said the attorney, “I’ll get it for you.”

While he was gone, one of the physicians picked up the attorney’s shoe and spat in it.

When he returned with the coke, the other physician said, “That looks good, I think I’ll have one too.”

Again, the attorney obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the other physician picked up the other shoe and spat in it.

The attorney returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the attorney slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.

“How long must this go on?” he asked. “This fighting between our professions? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?”
3 members like this
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread #772607 Mar 11th a 12:15 AM
by LOOKSLO
LOOKSLO
My ol lady and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and drinks, having been burgled in the past we turned on the night light and then put the cat in the backyard, when our Uber arrived we walked out the front door and our rather tubby fat cat scooted between our legs back inside then ran up the stairs, because our cat likes to chase our parakeet we didn’t want to leave them unchaperoned so my ol lady ran inside to retrieve her and put her in the backyard again, because I didn’t want the Uber driver to know our house would be empty for the evening I explain to him that my ol lady would be out momentarily as she was just bidding good night to my mother, a few minutes later she got into the Uber all hot and bothered and said (to my growing horror and amusement) as the car pulled away, she said sorry it took so long but that stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to come out ,she tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck and wrapped her in a blanket so she wouldn’t scratch me like she did last time but it work i hauled her fat ass down the stairs and threw her into the backyard, she had better not sh*t in the vegetable garden again.
2 members like this
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread #786114 Dec 10th a 12:56 AM
by Dyno_Dave
Dyno_Dave
During his physical, the doctor asked the patient about his daily activity level.

He described a typical day this way: ‘Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake, marched up and down several rocky hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand and took four leaks behind big trees.’

Inspired by the story, the doctor said, ‘You must be one hell of an outdoors man!

‘NAH,’ he replied, ‘I’m just a shitty golfer.’
2 members like this
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread #783766 Oct 15th a 03:21 PM
by Dyno_Dave
Dyno_Dave
A firefighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little boy next door in a little red wagon with tiny ladders hung off the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The boy is wearing a firefighter’s helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog and a cat.

The firefighter walks over to take a closer look.

“That sure is a nice fire truck,” the fire fighter says with admiration.

“Thanks,” says the little boy.

As the firefighter looks a little closer, he notices the boy has tied the wagon to the dog’s collar and to the cat’s testicles.

“Little partner,” the firefighter says, “I don’t want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat’s collar, I think you could go faster.”

The little boy says, “You’re probably right, but then I wouldn’t have a siren.”
2 members like this
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread #784109 Oct 22nd a 07:33 PM
by Dyno_Dave
Dyno_Dave
An Englishman and an Irishman go to a bakery.

The Englishman steals three buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves.

He says to the Irishman: “That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn’t even see me.”

“That’s just simple thievery,” the Irishman replied. “I’ll show you how to do it the honest way and get the same results.”

The Irishman then proceeded to call out the owner of the bakery and says: “Sir, I want to show you a magic trick.”

The owner was intrigued so he came over to see the magic trick.

The Irishman asked him for a bun and then he proceeded to eat it.

He asked two more times and after eating them again the owner says: “Okay my friend, where’s the magic trick?”

The Irishman then said: “Look in the Englishman’s pockets.”
2 members like this
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread #787330 Jan 15th a 07:28 PM
by Wedgy
Wedgy
Originally Posted by SDMickey
Dyno_Dave = That construction joke was OFF THE HOOK ! ( and ain't it the truth ) rofl

Indeed! yeah

IDK if this is a joke, but it is a funny true story about a new van. I met Art McFaul, (Old Man Mac,) in 1973 at Ruhm Tile and Marble. He ran the Tile crews up until 1991. He also was a Tile man/ Contractor, and drove Chevy vans as his work vehicles.

He had ordered a new Chevy work van, pre Gvan, so mid to late 60's early 70's. So Mac goes down to the car lot to pick up his new van. Looked good to go, so he went. Mac pulled out of the lot onto the street, bump bump. "Hey, wait a minute, somethings not right, this suspension is waaay too soft." U turn! Back at the dealership, Mac's letting them know, "Yeah what gives? I ordered the optional 3/4 ton supension, and this ain't it." Everybody there's like, "Duuuuh. IDK what to do..." Mac did!

Mac walks out onto the lot. "Ya'll see that shiny new C 20 sitting over there? You're going to pull my van and that truck into the shop and give me my HD 3/4 ton suspension..." cool
1 member likes this
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread #786591 Dec 22nd a 04:01 PM
by Dyno_Dave
Dyno_Dave
Originally Posted by frscke1
Oh what a feelin ...

Jack's attitude is all wrong.

[Linked Image from live.staticflickr.com]
1 member likes this
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread #786001 Dec 6th a 10:12 PM
by frscke1
frscke1
Arnt kids so generous ...
1 member likes this
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread #785872 Dec 4th a 05:02 PM
by Dyno_Dave
Dyno_Dave
Three guys go in for a job interview, all at the same office.

The first one goes in for his interview and the interviewer says, “What’s the first thing you see when you look at me?”

The guy says, “That’s not too hard, you’ve got no ears.”

The interviewer says, “That’s it, get out, you’ll never be seen around here again.”

================================================

The second man takes his turn and is asked the same question.

The applicant replies, “Uh, you’ve got no ears.”

The interviewer throws the guy out, cursing and yelling that he’ll never get a job with his company.

As he is leaving, the second guy warns the third guy, “Listen man, whatever you do, don’t say he hasn’t got any ears. He’s so touchy with the ear thing.”

================================================

“Okay,” said man #3 on his way into the office.

Once inside he is told, “Name the first thing you notice when you look at me.”

The guy answers, “That’s easy, you wear contacts.”

The interviewer was flabbergasted, “How on earth did you know that, son?”

“What? Are you stupid? You can’t wear glasses, you’ve got no ears!”
1 member likes this
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread #785744 Nov 30th a 09:23 PM
by Dyno_Dave
Dyno_Dave
A man goes to take out a loan. The loan officer comes over immediately.

“How can I help you, sir?” he asks.

“I’m going out of town on business for two weeks and need to borrow $5,000,” the man answers.

The loan officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan. So, the man holds out his hand and opens his palm, saying: “These are the keys to my car, which is sitting out front. Here are the documents, as well”.

The loan officer peeks out the window and sees a brand new Ferrari parallel parked directly in front of the bank.

“One moment, please.”

The loan officer walks into a back office to consult with the president of the bank. Everything checks out. So, after sharing a laugh with the president at this man leaving a $750,000 car as security for a $5,000 loan, the loan officer returns and tells the man that they will happily accept the Ferrari.

An employee of the bank then drives the car into the bank’s underground garage and parks it. Two weeks later, the man returns and pays the $5,000 plus interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer smiles and says: “Sir, we are very happy to have your business. This transaction has worked out very nicely. But to be honest, we are a little bit puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found out that you are a multi-millionaire. So what puzzled us is why you’d bother to borrow $5,000?”

The man replies: “Where else in Manhattan can I park my car for two weeks for just $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?”
1 member likes this
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread #785721 Nov 29th a 11:19 PM
by Dyno_Dave
Dyno_Dave
A government social worker was visiting the an reservation for the first time.

A woman was yelling at an old Indian man.

The man looked like he could use some help.

The social worker walked over and broke up the disturbance by pulling the man aside.

“Hey, that lady sure hates you.”

“She's no lady. She's my wife.”

“You don’t say. What’s her name?”

“Wife's name is ‘Three Horse’.”

The social worker smiled. “Now that’s a strange name. Three Horse. How did she get a name like that?”

“Nag nag nag.”
1 member likes this
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread #785085 Nov 13th a 05:16 PM
by Dyno_Dave
Dyno_Dave
A blonde’s car gets a flat tyre on the Interstate one day.

So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road.

She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk.

She then takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic.

The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers…

Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up.

It wasn’t very long before a police car arrives.

The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, “What is going on here?”

“My car broke down, Officer” says the woman, calmly.

“Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!” asks the Officer…

“Helllllooooo, those are my emergency flashers!” she replies.
1 member likes this
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread #784811 Nov 7th a 01:02 AM
by Dyno_Dave
Dyno_Dave
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, “He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.”

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

“Oh, no, my dear,” replied granny. “Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even.

Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.”

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, “and if the damned ice cream truck hadn’t come along, he’d still be alive today.”
1 member likes this
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread #784652 Nov 4th a 02:01 AM
by Dyno_Dave
Dyno_Dave
T‌‌eacher: “‌‌If I‌‌ g‌‌ave y‌‌ou 2‌‌ c‌‌ats a‌‌nd a‌‌nother 2‌‌ c‌‌ats a‌‌nd a‌‌nother 2‌‌, h‌‌ow m‌‌any w‌‌ould y‌‌ou h‌‌ave?”

J‌‌ohnny: “‌‌Seven.”

T‌‌eacher: “‌‌No, l‌‌isten c‌‌arefully… I‌‌f I‌‌ g‌‌ave y‌‌ou t‌‌wo c‌‌ats, a‌‌nd a‌‌nother t‌‌wo c‌‌ats a‌‌nd a‌‌nother t‌‌wo, h‌‌ow m‌‌any w‌‌ould y‌‌ou h‌‌ave?”

J‌‌ohnny: “‌‌Seven.”

T‌‌eacher: “‌‌Let m‌‌e p‌‌ut i‌‌t t‌‌o y‌‌ou d‌‌ifferently. I‌‌f I‌‌ g‌‌ave y‌‌ou t‌‌wo a‌‌pples, a‌‌nd a‌‌nother t‌‌wo a‌‌pples a‌‌nd a‌‌nother t‌‌wo, h‌‌ow m‌‌any w‌‌ould y‌‌ou h‌‌ave?”

J‌‌ohnny: “‌‌Six.”

T‌‌eacher: “‌‌Good. N‌‌ow i‌‌f I‌‌ g‌‌ave y‌‌ou t‌‌wo c‌‌ats, a‌‌nd a‌‌nother t‌‌wo c‌‌ats a‌‌nd a‌‌nother t‌‌wo, h‌‌ow m‌‌any w‌‌ould y‌‌ou h‌‌ave?”

J‌‌ohnny: “‌‌Seven!”

T‌‌eacher: “‌‌Johnny, w‌‌here i‌‌n t‌‌he h‌‌eck d‌‌o y‌‌ou g‌‌et s‌‌even f‌‌rom?!”

J‌‌ohnny: “‌‌Because I‌‌’ve a‌‌lready g‌‌ot a‌‌ f‌‌reaking c‌‌at!”
1 member likes this
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread #784363 Oct 28th a 07:21 PM
by Dyno_Dave
Dyno_Dave
It's so annoying when someone says the name of a song, and it's stuck in your head the rest of the day.

Like Rhinestone Cowboy.
1 member likes this
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread #784226 Oct 25th a 01:13 PM
by Dyno_Dave
Dyno_Dave
There was this Asian lady married to an English gentleman and they lived in London.

The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but managed to communicate with her husband.

The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.

One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs.

She didn’t know how to put forward her request, and in esperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs.

The butcher got the message and the lady went home with pork legs.

The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts.

Again, she didn’t know how to say, and so she unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast.

The lady got what she wanted.

The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages.

Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store…

What were you thinking? Hellooo, her husband speaks English!!
1 member likes this
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread #783872 Oct 18th a 02:51 PM
by Dyno_Dave
Dyno_Dave
I decided to stop calling the bathroom “John” and renamed it the “Jim”. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
1 member likes this
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread #783659 Oct 13th a 01:22 AM
by Dyno_Dave
Dyno_Dave
After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to touch her in ways he hadn’t in quite some time.

It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back.

He then slid his hand across her shoulders and neck, slowly worked it down one side, then the other, stopping just over her lower stomach.

He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed downward again, working down her side, passed gently over and then in between her buttock and down her leg to her calf.

Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg.

He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.

As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, “That was wonderful. Why did you stop?”

“I found the remote,” he said.
1 member likes this
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread #777924 Jun 20th a 02:18 AM
by frscke1
frscke1
[Linked Image from live.staticflickr.com]
1 member likes this
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread #771662 Feb 19th a 07:57 PM
by CatFish
CatFish
A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the neatest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic looks at him and says, "Well, looks like you blew a seal."
"Oh No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream."
1 member likes this
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