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Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread [Re: GhostRyder] #751766
August 20th 2019 3:42 pm
August 20th 2019 3:42 pm
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 14,720
Van Diego California
frscke1 Offline
frscke1  Offline

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 14,720
Van Diego California
I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they're flashing behind you.

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.

I changed my password to "incorrect" so whenever I forget it the computer will say, "Your password is incorrect."

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

I'm great at multi-tasking--I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

Take my advice — I'm not using it.

My wife and I were happy for twenty five years; then we met.

I hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound perspicacious.

Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when you wish they were.

Every time someone comes up with a foolproof solution, along comes a more-talented fool.

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, I'd eventually be attractive.

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

If you keep both feet firmly planted on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I married Miss Right, I had no idea her first name was Always.

My wife got 8 out of 10 on her driver's test--the other two guys managed to jump out of her way.

There may be no excuse for laziness, but I'm still looking.

Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?

Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.

I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don't have to mow it.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.

If tomatoes are technically a fruit, does that make ketchup a smoothie?

Money is the root of all wealth.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.


SUNSHINE VANS-VAN DIEGO
ADRENALIN BY THE GALLON & CHASIN RACIN
ONE FOR THE DIRT & ONE FOR THE STREETS
'93 CHEVY G30 454 4X4 SPORTVAN EXT 146" WB
'92 CHEVY G30 454 BEAUVILLE EXT 146" WB
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread [Re: GhostRyder] #751835
August 23rd 2019 7:34 am
August 23rd 2019 7:34 am
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 27,147
Pittsburgh,Pa USA
newkirkinc1 Offline
Old Timer
newkirkinc1  Offline
Old Timer
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 27,147
Pittsburgh,Pa USA
Nice lol


Jim & Lucy Newkirk
1965 Chevy Bad Influence
1981 Chevy-the Love Shack
2012 Chevy Van , 2020 chevy van
Wrangler go cart Van
vanninvanner@comcast.net
Vannerz
77 chevy Prohecy rebuild

Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread [Re: GhostRyder] #751840
August 23rd 2019 9:28 am
August 23rd 2019 9:28 am
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 1,383
West Texas
W
Wedgy Offline
old hand
Wedgy  Offline
old hand
W
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 1,383
West Texas
Frscke1's Boy Scout water balloon gauntlet got me thinking about our Scout Troop, 649.

Our patrol were the Wolves. More like "The Island of Misfit Boys." Us Dad's too. LOL
Our troop went camping, a lot! Our Scout Ranch was on an old Spanish land grant, which later became a cattle ranch, named Mataguay. Which means, "White Dirt!"

Pretty nice place. Even had a pool. Where, if you wanted in, you have to pass the BSA swim test. How hard could that possibly be?... A few laps each, of different strokes, hold your breath underwater for a while, tread water, etc, etc. No sweat!

After Brandon and I finished, he jumped out, I just held onto the ladder. After a few moments, the young lifeguard enthusiastically said to me, "You Passed! You can exit the pool now, Sir."

"Ah, Yeah. Give me a minute...?" shocked


"Who New? Blue"
1990 Chevy G30 454
Church Van, maternity division

"Old Blue"
1988 Dodge B250

"Cabin Cruiser"
'94 Dodge B350 www.xplorermotorhome.com/
Xplorer MH model 230 230 hp MPI 360 LA Wedgy OD auto

Old vans never really die if we chose to let them live
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread [Re: GhostRyder] #751871
August 24th 2019 4:00 pm
August 24th 2019 4:00 pm
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 1,200
TN
Astrocreep66 Offline
old hand
Astrocreep66  Offline
old hand
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 1,200
TN
I want to say did they have restrooms🤣


When in doubt..get the sawzall out..
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread [Re: GhostRyder] #751881
August 25th 2019 7:27 am
August 25th 2019 7:27 am
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 27,147
Pittsburgh,Pa USA
newkirkinc1 Offline
Old Timer
newkirkinc1  Offline
Old Timer
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 27,147
Pittsburgh,Pa USA
lol


Jim & Lucy Newkirk
1965 Chevy Bad Influence
1981 Chevy-the Love Shack
2012 Chevy Van , 2020 chevy van
Wrangler go cart Van
vanninvanner@comcast.net
Vannerz
77 chevy Prohecy rebuild

Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread [Re: GhostRyder] #751888
August 25th 2019 8:46 am
August 25th 2019 8:46 am
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 1,383
West Texas
W
Wedgy Offline
old hand
Wedgy  Offline
old hand
W
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 1,383
West Texas
You Guys would fit right in! shocked

Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread [Re: GhostRyder] #752047
August 30th 2019 7:56 pm
August 30th 2019 7:56 pm
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 3,477
Michigan
Dyno_Dave Offline
pooh-bah
Dyno_Dave  Offline
pooh-bah
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 3,477
Michigan
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted it on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is watching.”

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table, was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”

==================

A very old man and a young woman, who had never met before, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two retired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 a.m., he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying, “I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the cupboard to get me a second blanket? I’m awfully cold.”

“I have a better idea,” she replies. “Just for tonight, let’s pretend that we’re married.”

“Wow! That’s a great idea!!” he exclaims.

“Good,” she replies. “Get your own damned blanket!”

==================

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

“Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give back to the community in some way?”

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, “First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?”

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, “Um … no.”

The lawyer interrupts, “or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?”

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

“or that my sister’s husband died in a traffic accident,” the lawyer’s voice rising in indignation, “leaving her penniless with three children?!”

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, “I had no idea…”

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, “So if I don’t give any money to them, why should I give any to you?”

Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread [Re: GhostRyder] #752050
August 31st 2019 7:17 am
August 31st 2019 7:17 am
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 27,147
Pittsburgh,Pa USA
newkirkinc1 Offline
Old Timer
newkirkinc1  Offline
Old Timer
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 27,147
Pittsburgh,Pa USA
Nice ones lol


Jim & Lucy Newkirk
1965 Chevy Bad Influence
1981 Chevy-the Love Shack
2012 Chevy Van , 2020 chevy van
Wrangler go cart Van
vanninvanner@comcast.net
Vannerz
77 chevy Prohecy rebuild

Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread [Re: GhostRyder] #753279
October 13th 2019 8:58 pm
October 13th 2019 8:58 pm
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 3,675
Wichita Falls, Texas
Starlord Offline
pooh-bah
Starlord  Offline
pooh-bah
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 3,675
Wichita Falls, Texas
Kinda long but I don't want this thread to die and it hasn't been posted to in some time. A construction survey business hired a new employee who happened to be female. The partner she was teamed up with was skeptical of her skills so he asked her if she knew how to communicate by hand signs over a long distance to which she replied she did. So, out in the field, the guy needed to drive a stake into the ground but didn't have anything to drive it in with. Well, he started to motion to his partner, first he pointed to his eye then his knee and then made up and down motions with his fist. His female partner started to motion back, first she pointed to her eye and then she grabbed the area over her heart and finally she grabbed the area between her legs. Confused, the man walked back over to where she was and said "I thought you said you knew how to send signals. I told you that I need the hammer"! To which she replied "I do understand signals, I told you that EYE LEFT TIT IN THE BOX"!!!


2005 E350 Turbo Diesel
Why is it that when I press 1 for English, I still can not understand the person on the other end????
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread [Re: GhostRyder] #753294
October 14th 2019 12:00 pm
October 14th 2019 12:00 pm
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 14,720
Van Diego California
frscke1 Offline
frscke1  Offline

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 14,720
Van Diego California
This arguing is not honoring Dr BOB ... posts are being deleted.

Take your arguing to PM ... its a joke, If Astro does like it he will delete it.


SUNSHINE VANS-VAN DIEGO
ADRENALIN BY THE GALLON & CHASIN RACIN
ONE FOR THE DIRT & ONE FOR THE STREETS
'93 CHEVY G30 454 4X4 SPORTVAN EXT 146" WB
'92 CHEVY G30 454 BEAUVILLE EXT 146" WB
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