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Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread [Re: GhostRyder] #748915
May 26th 2019 7:13 pm
May 26th 2019 7:13 pm
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 26,195
Pittsburgh,Pa USA
newkirkinc1 Offline
Old Timer
newkirkinc1  Offline
Old Timer
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 26,195
Pittsburgh,Pa USA
rofl Nice


Jim & Lucy Newkirk
1965 Chevy Bad Influence
1981 Chevy-the Love Shack
2012 Chevy Van
Wrangler go cart Van
vanninvanner@comcast.net
Vannerz
77 chevy Prohecy rebuild
86 chevy Lickity Split delivery service
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread [Re: GhostRyder] #748962
May 27th 2019 9:41 pm
May 27th 2019 9:41 pm
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 3,414
Michigan
Dyno_Dave Offline
pooh-bah
Dyno_Dave  Offline
pooh-bah
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 3,414
Michigan
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer – who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job.

“Okay,” the sheriff drawled, “Gomer, what is 1 and 1?” “11” he replied.

The sheriff thought to himself, “That’s not what I meant, but he’s right.”

“What two days of the week start with the letter ‘T’?” “Today and tomorrow.”

He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.

“Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?” Gomer looked a little surprised, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, “I don’t know.”

“Well, why don’t you go home and work on that one for a while?”

So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant.

“It went great! The first day on the job and I’m already working on a murder case!”

==============================================================

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, “Ya know, I reckon I’m ’bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I’m gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go.

Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earline got pregnant.

Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earline got pregnant again.

Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earline didn’t get pregnant again.”

Luther asks Billy Bob, “So, what you gonna do this year that’s different?”

Billy Bob says, “This year I’m taking Earline with me.”

==============================================================

A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver’s license to verify his age.

He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. “I will have to go home and come back later.”

The woman says, “Unbutton your shirt.” So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, “That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me” and she processed his Social Security application.

When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office.

She says, “You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.”

Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread [Re: GhostRyder] #748967
May 27th 2019 10:36 pm
May 27th 2019 10:36 pm
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 95
Canada, BC
RoboforcerX2000 Offline
journeyman
RoboforcerX2000  Offline
journeyman
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 95
Canada, BC
In a court.
Accused: "So, I'm coming back from work early and see my wife naked in bed and some man's clothes around. Looked everywhere, looked out the window- there's a man half naked running away. So I took a fridge and threw it on him."
Victim: "As any other evening I went for a run in my shorts. As I was running pass that house I looked up and there was a fridge flying at me from 2nd floor..."
Witness: "So there I was, sitting in the fridge..."


If it's broken- I'll fix it! If it's not- I'll break it to figure it out how it works so I can fix it.
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread [Re: GhostRyder] #749384
June 09th 2019 9:24 pm
June 09th 2019 9:24 pm
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 3,414
Michigan
Dyno_Dave Offline
pooh-bah
Dyno_Dave  Offline
pooh-bah
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 3,414
Michigan
Two Seals boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat.

Just before take-off, A Green Beret got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Seals. The Green Beret kicked off his boots, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Seal in the window seat said,”I think I’ll get up and get a coke.”

“No problem,” said the Green Beret, “I’ll get it for you.” While he was gone, the Seal picked up the Green Beret’s boot and spit in it.

When the Green Beret returned with the coke, the other Seal said, “That looks good, I think I’ll have one too.”

Again, the Green Beret obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the Seal picked up the other boot and spit in it.

The Green Beret returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to Houston.

As the plane was landing, the Green Beret slipped his feet into his boots and knew immediately what had happened.

“How long must this go on?” the Green Beret asked. “This fighting between our groups? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in boots and pissing in cokes?”

Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread [Re: GhostRyder] #749397
June 10th 2019 7:53 am
June 10th 2019 7:53 am
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 26,195
Pittsburgh,Pa USA
newkirkinc1 Offline
Old Timer
newkirkinc1  Offline
Old Timer
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 26,195
Pittsburgh,Pa USA
rofl nice!


Jim & Lucy Newkirk
1965 Chevy Bad Influence
1981 Chevy-the Love Shack
2012 Chevy Van
Wrangler go cart Van
vanninvanner@comcast.net
Vannerz
77 chevy Prohecy rebuild
86 chevy Lickity Split delivery service
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread [Re: GhostRyder] #749404
June 10th 2019 9:25 am
June 10th 2019 9:25 am
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 1,168
West Texas
W
Wedgy Offline
old hand
Wedgy  Offline
old hand
W
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 1,168
West Texas
Oh Dyno Dave, you've done it again. Glad it was Folgers and not a tall glass of milk, Brother. Just zactly what this Old Dog needed on a gray Monday. Love your Show!

Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread [Re: GhostRyder] #749789
June 18th 2019 12:55 pm
June 18th 2019 12:55 pm
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 3,414
Michigan
Dyno_Dave Offline
pooh-bah
Dyno_Dave  Offline
pooh-bah
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 3,414
Michigan
My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore...so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."

========================================

A farmer strolls over to visit his neighbor, and finds him dancing, naked, in the barn in front of the farm equipment.

The farmer gasps, "Whoa! What are you doing?!"

His neighbor replies, "Well, me and the wife haven't been getting on in the bedroom lately, and our therapist recommended I do something sexy to a tractor."

Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread [Re: GhostRyder] #749915
June 21st 2019 10:28 pm
June 21st 2019 10:28 pm
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 3,414
Michigan
Dyno_Dave Offline
pooh-bah
Dyno_Dave  Offline
pooh-bah
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 3,414
Michigan
Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away.

“Where do you live?” asked the operator.

Bubba replied, “At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.”

The operator asked, “Can you spell that for me?

“There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, “How ’bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?”

Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread [Re: GhostRyder] #749934
June 23rd 2019 6:42 am
June 23rd 2019 6:42 am
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 26,195
Pittsburgh,Pa USA
newkirkinc1 Offline
Old Timer
newkirkinc1  Offline
Old Timer
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 26,195
Pittsburgh,Pa USA
rofl


Jim & Lucy Newkirk
1965 Chevy Bad Influence
1981 Chevy-the Love Shack
2012 Chevy Van
Wrangler go cart Van
vanninvanner@comcast.net
Vannerz
77 chevy Prohecy rebuild
86 chevy Lickity Split delivery service
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread [Re: GhostRyder] #749941
June 23rd 2019 8:17 pm
June 23rd 2019 8:17 pm
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 3,414
Michigan
Dyno_Dave Offline
pooh-bah
Dyno_Dave  Offline
pooh-bah
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 3,414
Michigan
A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn’t want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his rear end.

That wouldn’t have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty pint bottles in his back pockets, and they broke, and the broken glass carved up his buttocks terribly. But, he was so drunk that he didn’t know he was hurt. A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he noticed blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure enough, his behind was cut up something terrible. Well, he repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances, and he went to bed.

The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting, and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife came into the bedroom.

“Well, you really tied one on last night,” she said. “Where’d you go?”

“I worked late,” he said, “and I stopped off for a couple of beers.”

“A couple of beers? That’s a laugh,” she replied. “You got plastered last night. Where the heck did you go?”

“What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?”

“Well,” she replied, “my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror.”

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