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| | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 pooh-bah | pooh-bah Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 | A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00 am for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper,
“Please wake me at 5:00 am.â€
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed … it said…
“It is 5:00am; wake up.†| | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 32,696 Likes: 172 Old Timer | Old Timer Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 32,696 Likes: 172 | Hell yes!
Jim & Lucy Newkirk 1965 Chevy Bad Influence 1981 Chevy-the Love Shack 2012 Chevy Van , 2020 chevy van 2020 Chevy van Sapphire Sweet. Club Vannerz. vanninvanner@comcast.net | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 pooh-bah | pooh-bah Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 | A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description.
She tells them he’s 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him.
The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, “You can’t believe her. He’s 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face.â€
The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report.
She replies, “Just because I reported him missing, doesn’t mean I wanted him back!†| | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 pooh-bah | pooh-bah Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 | There was a woman who was pregnant with twins, and shortly before they were due, she had an accident and went into a coma. Her husband was away on business, and unable to be reached. While in the coma, she gave birth to her twins, and the only person around to name her children was her brother.
When the mother came out of her coma to find she had given birth and that her brother had named the twins, she became very worried, because he wasn’t a very bright guy. She was sure he had named them something absurd or stupid.
When she saw her brother she asked him about the twins.
He said, “The first one was a girl.â€
The mother: “What did you name her?!?â€
Brother: “Denise!â€
The Mom: “Oh, wow, that’s not bad! What about the second one?â€
Brother: “The second one was a boy.â€
The Mom: “Oh, and what did you name him?â€
Brother: “Denephew.†| | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 pooh-bah | pooh-bah Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 | A policeman pulled over a car, walked up to the driver’s window, and asked the man if he knew why he was pulled over. “No,†the man replied.
“You failed to stop at the stop sign,†the cop explained. “But I did slow down!†the guy argued.
The cop shook his head. “You are required to stop. That’s why they’re called stop signs.â€
The man started to get belligerent. “Stop, slow down — what’s the difference?â€
The cop pulled out his baton. “I can show you. I’m going to start hitting you with my baton. You tell me if you want me to stop or slow down.†| | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Jun 2010 Posts: 18,286 Likes: 559 | Joined: Jun 2010 Posts: 18,286 Likes: 559 | LMAO ! ! thats funny ... you want me to stop or slow down ...lol
SUNSHINE VANS-VAN DIEGO ADRENALIN BY THE GALLON & CHASIN RACIN ONE FOR THE DIRT & ONE FOR THE STREETS '93 CHEVY G30 454 4X4 SPORTVAN EXT 146" WB '92 CHEVY G30 454 BEAUVILLE EXT 146" WB | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 32,696 Likes: 172 Old Timer | Old Timer Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 32,696 Likes: 172 | Nice
Jim & Lucy Newkirk 1965 Chevy Bad Influence 1981 Chevy-the Love Shack 2012 Chevy Van , 2020 chevy van 2020 Chevy van Sapphire Sweet. Club Vannerz. vanninvanner@comcast.net | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 pooh-bah | pooh-bah Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 | The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer – who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job.
“Okay,†the sheriff drawled, “Gomer, what is 1 and 1?†“11†he replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, “That’s not what I meant, but he’s right.â€
“What two days of the week start with the letter ‘T’?†“Today and tomorrow.â€
He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.
“Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?†Gomer looked a little surprised, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, “I don’t know.â€
“Well, why don’t you go home and work on that one for a while?â€
So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant.
“It went great! The first day on the job and I’m already working on a murder case!â€
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Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, “Ya know, I reckon I’m ’bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I’m gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go.
Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earline got pregnant.
Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earline got pregnant again.
Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earline didn’t get pregnant again.â€
Luther asks Billy Bob, “So, what you gonna do this year that’s different?â€
Billy Bob says, “This year I’m taking Earline with me.â€
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A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver’s license to verify his age.
He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. “I will have to go home and come back later.â€
The woman says, “Unbutton your shirt.†So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, “That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me†and she processed his Social Security application.
When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office.
She says, “You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.†| | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Nov 2018 Posts: 112 member | member Joined: Nov 2018 Posts: 112 | In a court. Accused: "So, I'm coming back from work early and see my wife naked in bed and some man's clothes around. Looked everywhere, looked out the window- there's a man half naked running away. So I took a fridge and threw it on him." Victim: "As any other evening I went for a run in my shorts. As I was running pass that house I looked up and there was a fridge flying at me from 2nd floor..." Witness: "So there I was, sitting in the fridge..."
If it's broken- I'll fix it! If it's not- I'll break it to figure it out how it works so I can fix it.
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