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Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread [Re: GhostRyder] #747241
April 11th 2019 7:47 am
April 11th 2019 7:47 am
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 26,327
Pittsburgh,Pa USA
newkirkinc1 Offline
Old Timer
newkirkinc1  Offline
Old Timer
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 26,327
Pittsburgh,Pa USA
rofl nice one!


Jim & Lucy Newkirk
1965 Chevy Bad Influence
1981 Chevy-the Love Shack
2012 Chevy Van
Wrangler go cart Van
vanninvanner@comcast.net
Vannerz
77 chevy Prohecy rebuild
86 chevy Lickity Split delivery service
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread [Re: GhostRyder] #747474
April 19th 2019 1:29 pm
April 19th 2019 1:29 pm
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 3,457
Michigan
Dyno_Dave Offline
pooh-bah
Dyno_Dave  Offline
pooh-bah
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 3,457
Michigan
Senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto. They even have their own vocabulary:

BFF: Best Friend Fainted

BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth

CBM: Covered by Medicare

FWB: Friend with Beta-blockers

LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out

GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!

Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread [Re: GhostRyder] #747475
April 19th 2019 1:31 pm
April 19th 2019 1:31 pm
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 3,457
Michigan
Dyno_Dave Offline
pooh-bah
Dyno_Dave  Offline
pooh-bah
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 3,457
Michigan
A husband and wife go to an adoption agency looking to adopt a child. They are well dressed and well spoken, and the social workers are quite impressed with them. However, when asked about their profession, the couple said that they run a circus.

Hearing that made the social workers raise an eyebrow. It didn’t sound so good to them, an environment with animals, that is moving all the time? Doubts were raised about their suitability as parents.

So the couple produce photos of their 55 foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a large and spotless nursery. The social workers are happy to see this but then raise concerns about the kind of education a child would receive while in the couple’s care.

The husband puts their mind at ease, saying, “We’ve arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills.”

Next though, the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.

This time the wife explains, “Our nanny is a certified expert in pediatric care, child welfare, proper nutrition and exercise – all that a child requires.”

Their questions met with such excellent answers, the social workers are finally satisfied and ask the couple, “What ages were you looking to adopt?”

The husband says, “It doesn’t really matter, as long as they fit in a cannon.”

Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread [Re: GhostRyder] #747490
April 20th 2019 8:15 am
April 20th 2019 8:15 am
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 26,327
Pittsburgh,Pa USA
newkirkinc1 Offline
Old Timer
newkirkinc1  Offline
Old Timer
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 26,327
Pittsburgh,Pa USA
rofl figures lol


Jim & Lucy Newkirk
1965 Chevy Bad Influence
1981 Chevy-the Love Shack
2012 Chevy Van
Wrangler go cart Van
vanninvanner@comcast.net
Vannerz
77 chevy Prohecy rebuild
86 chevy Lickity Split delivery service
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread [Re: GhostRyder] #747526
April 21st 2019 7:18 pm
April 21st 2019 7:18 pm
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 3,457
Michigan
Dyno_Dave Offline
pooh-bah
Dyno_Dave  Offline
pooh-bah
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 3,457
Michigan
These 10 Easter jokes are perfect for sharing with friends and family over a cup of tea and a plate of hot cross buns. Just be sure to swallow before the punchline.

Q. What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?
A. A Hot Cross bunny.

Q. What did the bunny say when he only had thistles to eat?
A. Thistle have to do!

Q. How can you tell where the Easter Bunny has been?
A. Eggs (X) marks the spot!

Q. How do you catch the Easter Bunny?
A. Hide in a bush and make a noise like a carrot!

Q. Why did the Easter Bunny cross the road?
A. To prove he wasn’t chicken!

Q. Why can’t a rabbit’s nose be 12 inches long?
A. Because then it would be a foot!

Q. What do you call ten rabbits marching backwards?
A. A receding hareline.

Q. What day does an egg hate the most?
A. Fry-days.

Q. Waitress, what’s this hare doing in my soup?
A. Looks like back stroke.

Q. How do bunnies stay healthy?
A. Eggsercise

Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread [Re: GhostRyder] #747538
April 22nd 2019 7:29 am
April 22nd 2019 7:29 am
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 26,327
Pittsburgh,Pa USA
newkirkinc1 Offline
Old Timer
newkirkinc1  Offline
Old Timer
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 26,327
Pittsburgh,Pa USA
Nice ones Dave.


Jim & Lucy Newkirk
1965 Chevy Bad Influence
1981 Chevy-the Love Shack
2012 Chevy Van
Wrangler go cart Van
vanninvanner@comcast.net
Vannerz
77 chevy Prohecy rebuild
86 chevy Lickity Split delivery service
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread [Re: GhostRyder] #747634
April 24th 2019 10:43 am
April 24th 2019 10:43 am
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 3,457
Michigan
Dyno_Dave Offline
pooh-bah
Dyno_Dave  Offline
pooh-bah
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 3,457
Michigan
A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved three-year-old grandson.

It’s obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits … you name it.

Meanwhile, Grandpa is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, “Easy, William, we won’t be long … easy, boy.”

Another outburst and she hears the grandpa calmly say, “It’s okay, William, just a couple more minutes and we’ll be out of here. Hang in there, boy.”

At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart and Grandpa says again in a controlled voice, “William, William, relax buddy, don’t get upset. We’ll be home in five minutes, stay cool, William.”

Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car.

She says to the elderly man, “It’s none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don’t know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa.”

“Thanks,” said the grandpa, “but I’m William. The little shit’s name is Kevin!”

Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread [Re: GhostRyder] #747662
April 25th 2019 7:37 am
April 25th 2019 7:37 am
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 26,327
Pittsburgh,Pa USA
newkirkinc1 Offline
Old Timer
newkirkinc1  Offline
Old Timer
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 26,327
Pittsburgh,Pa USA
lol


Jim & Lucy Newkirk
1965 Chevy Bad Influence
1981 Chevy-the Love Shack
2012 Chevy Van
Wrangler go cart Van
vanninvanner@comcast.net
Vannerz
77 chevy Prohecy rebuild
86 chevy Lickity Split delivery service
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread [Re: GhostRyder] #747664
April 25th 2019 10:16 am
April 25th 2019 10:16 am
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 3,457
Michigan
Dyno_Dave Offline
pooh-bah
Dyno_Dave  Offline
pooh-bah
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 3,457
Michigan
A Californian winery managed to create a new type of wine by crossing Pinot Blanc with Pinot Grigot.

As a side effect, it reduces the number of times people need to get up to pee during the night.

It is being marketed in retirement homes around the world as Pinot More!

Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread [Re: GhostRyder] #747674
April 25th 2019 6:14 pm
April 25th 2019 6:14 pm
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 368
TN
Astrocreep66 Offline
enthusiast
Astrocreep66  Offline
enthusiast
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 368
TN
Come on..lol on the other hand hook me up.lol


When in doubt..get the sawzall out..
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