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| | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 pooh-bah | pooh-bah Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 | A teacher asks a student:
“What kind of woman would you like to be with when you’re all grown up?â€
“A woman like the moon!†Answers the kid.
“That’s beautiful,†breathes the teacher, “what a choice! Because you’d like her to be beautiful and radiant like the moon?â€
“No, I’d like her to appear at night and disappear come morning!†| | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 32,696 Likes: 172 Old Timer | Old Timer Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 32,696 Likes: 172 | Good one
Jim & Lucy Newkirk 1965 Chevy Bad Influence 1981 Chevy-the Love Shack 2012 Chevy Van , 2020 chevy van 2020 Chevy van Sapphire Sweet. Club Vannerz. vanninvanner@comcast.net | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Sep 2005 Posts: 9,855 Likes: 234 carpal tunnel | carpal tunnel Joined: Sep 2005 Posts: 9,855 Likes: 234 | Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100-years-old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "The poor dear, he'd still be alive if the ice cream van hadn't come along." | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 32,696 Likes: 172 Old Timer | Old Timer Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 32,696 Likes: 172 | nice one!
Jim & Lucy Newkirk 1965 Chevy Bad Influence 1981 Chevy-the Love Shack 2012 Chevy Van , 2020 chevy van 2020 Chevy van Sapphire Sweet. Club Vannerz. vanninvanner@comcast.net | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 pooh-bah | pooh-bah Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 | Senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto. They even have their own vocabulary:
BFF: Best Friend Fainted
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered by Medicare
FWB: Friend with Beta-blockers
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low! | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 pooh-bah | pooh-bah Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 | A husband and wife go to an adoption agency looking to adopt a child. They are well dressed and well spoken, and the social workers are quite impressed with them. However, when asked about their profession, the couple said that they run a circus.
Hearing that made the social workers raise an eyebrow. It didn’t sound so good to them, an environment with animals, that is moving all the time? Doubts were raised about their suitability as parents.
So the couple produce photos of their 55 foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a large and spotless nursery. The social workers are happy to see this but then raise concerns about the kind of education a child would receive while in the couple’s care.
The husband puts their mind at ease, saying, “We’ve arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills.â€
Next though, the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.
This time the wife explains, “Our nanny is a certified expert in pediatric care, child welfare, proper nutrition and exercise – all that a child requires.â€
Their questions met with such excellent answers, the social workers are finally satisfied and ask the couple, “What ages were you looking to adopt?â€
The husband says, “It doesn’t really matter, as long as they fit in a cannon.†| | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 32,696 Likes: 172 Old Timer | Old Timer Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 32,696 Likes: 172 | figures
Jim & Lucy Newkirk 1965 Chevy Bad Influence 1981 Chevy-the Love Shack 2012 Chevy Van , 2020 chevy van 2020 Chevy van Sapphire Sweet. Club Vannerz. vanninvanner@comcast.net | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 pooh-bah | pooh-bah Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 | These 10 Easter jokes are perfect for sharing with friends and family over a cup of tea and a plate of hot cross buns. Just be sure to swallow before the punchline.
Q. What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? A. A Hot Cross bunny.
Q. What did the bunny say when he only had thistles to eat? A. Thistle have to do!
Q. How can you tell where the Easter Bunny has been? A. Eggs (X) marks the spot!
Q. How do you catch the Easter Bunny? A. Hide in a bush and make a noise like a carrot!
Q. Why did the Easter Bunny cross the road? A. To prove he wasn’t chicken!
Q. Why can’t a rabbit’s nose be 12 inches long? A. Because then it would be a foot!
Q. What do you call ten rabbits marching backwards? A. A receding hareline.
Q. What day does an egg hate the most? A. Fry-days.
Q. Waitress, what’s this hare doing in my soup? A. Looks like back stroke.
Q. How do bunnies stay healthy? A. Eggsercise | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 32,696 Likes: 172 Old Timer | Old Timer Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 32,696 Likes: 172 |
Jim & Lucy Newkirk 1965 Chevy Bad Influence 1981 Chevy-the Love Shack 2012 Chevy Van , 2020 chevy van 2020 Chevy van Sapphire Sweet. Club Vannerz. vanninvanner@comcast.net | | |
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