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| | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 pooh-bah | pooh-bah Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 | A grocery store employee is working in the produce department when a customer approaches and asks to buy half a head of lettuce.
“You can’t buy just half a head, we sell them whole.†says the employee.
The customer responds “Go get your manager, and I’ll ask him.â€
So the employee goes to his manager and says “Some asshole out there wants to buy just one half of a lettuce head…â€, then suddenly realizes the customer is right behind him, so he turns and gestures “and this gentleman would like to buy the other half!â€
After the customer leaves, the manager says “That was pretty quick thinking, where are you from?â€
The kid says “I’m from Brazil.â€
“So why didn’t you stay there? Isn’t it a beautiful country?â€
“Yea, but the place is full of either soccer players or sluts.†Said he kid.
“My wife is from Brazil!†growls the manager.
“Really?†Asks the kid without losing a beat, “What team does she play for?†| | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Oct 2018 Posts: 75 Likes: 2 journeyman | journeyman Joined: Oct 2018 Posts: 75 Likes: 2 | HA HA HA! Quick thinker! XD | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 32,696 Likes: 172 Old Timer | Old Timer Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 32,696 Likes: 172 | Nice!
Last edited by newkirkinc1; January 22nd 2019 9:09 am.
Jim & Lucy Newkirk 1965 Chevy Bad Influence 1981 Chevy-the Love Shack 2012 Chevy Van , 2020 chevy van 2020 Chevy van Sapphire Sweet. Club Vannerz. vanninvanner@comcast.net | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 pooh-bah | pooh-bah Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 | Four guys have been going on the same fishing trip for many years. A few days before the group’s annual departure date, John’s wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn’t going. John’s fishing buddies are very upset that he can’t go, but what can they do?
Two days later the three get to the camping site to find John sitting there with his tent set up, firewood gathered, dinner cooking on the fire, and drinking a cold beer.
“Heck John, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?â€
“Well, I’ve been here since last night. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my recliner when my wife came up behind me, put her hands over my eyes, and asked, “Guess who?â€
I pulled her hands off, and there she was, wearing a nightie.
She took my hand and pulled me into the bedroom, where she’d lit candles and put rose petals all over the place, looked like something out of a movie.
Well, she’s been reading 50 Shades of Grey or something. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.
And then she said, ‘Honey, you can do whatever you want.’
So, boys, here I am!†| | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 32,696 Likes: 172 Old Timer | Old Timer Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 32,696 Likes: 172 |
Jim & Lucy Newkirk 1965 Chevy Bad Influence 1981 Chevy-the Love Shack 2012 Chevy Van , 2020 chevy van 2020 Chevy van Sapphire Sweet. Club Vannerz. vanninvanner@comcast.net | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 pooh-bah | pooh-bah Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 |
A Bible study group was discussing the unforeseen possibility of their sudden death. The leader of the discussion said, †We will all die some day, and none of us really know when, but if we did we would all do a better job of preparing ourselves for that inevitable event.â€
“Everybody shook their heads in agreement with this comment.â€
Then the leader said to the group, “What would you do if you knew you only had 4 weeks of life remaining before your death, and then the Great Judgment Day?â€
A gentleman said, †I would go out into my community and minister the Gospel to those that have not yet accepted the Lord into their lives.â€
“Very good!†,said the group leader, and all the group members agreed, that would be a very good thing to do.
One lady spoke up and said enthusiastically, “I would dedicate all of my remaining time to serving God, my family, my church, and my fellow man with a greater conviction.â€
“Thatâ€s wonderful!†the group leader commented, and all the group members agreed, that would be a very good thing to do.
But one gentleman in the back finally spoke up loudly and said, “I would go to my mother-in-laws house for the 4 weeks.â€
Everyone was puzzled by this answer, and the group leader ask, “Why your mother-in-law’s home?â€
“Because that will make it the longest 4 weeks of my life! | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Jun 2010 Posts: 18,286 Likes: 558 | Joined: Jun 2010 Posts: 18,286 Likes: 558 |
SUNSHINE VANS-VAN DIEGO ADRENALIN BY THE GALLON & CHASIN RACIN ONE FOR THE DIRT & ONE FOR THE STREETS '93 CHEVY G30 454 4X4 SPORTVAN EXT 146" WB '92 CHEVY G30 454 BEAUVILLE EXT 146" WB | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 32,696 Likes: 172 Old Timer | Old Timer Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 32,696 Likes: 172 | nice!
Jim & Lucy Newkirk 1965 Chevy Bad Influence 1981 Chevy-the Love Shack 2012 Chevy Van , 2020 chevy van 2020 Chevy van Sapphire Sweet. Club Vannerz. vanninvanner@comcast.net | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 pooh-bah | pooh-bah Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 | A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads
“Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827â€.
Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony, and it is being played backward!
Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him. By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed.
This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward.
Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar.
When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward.
The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed,
the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th. By the next day the word has spread and a crowd has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Third Symphony being played backward.
Just then the graveyard’s caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the group asks him if he has an explanation for the music.
“I would have thought it was obvious,†the caretaker says.
“He’s decomposing.†| | |
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