Vannin' Home Forums General Discussion Off Topic Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread

A middle-aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table, she has a near-death experience.

During that experience, she sees God and asks if this is it.

God says no and explains that she has another 30-40 years to live.

Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck – you name it, she had it.

She even has someone come in and change her hair color.

She figures since she’s got another 30 or 40 years she might as well make the most of it.

She walks out of the hospital after the last operation and is killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital.

She arrives in front of God and asks, “I thought you said I had another 30-40 years?”

“Oh sorry, ” Said God. “I didn’t recognize you.”

Nice one.

If Dyno Dave, wrote the Bible...

If I had a YouTube channel, I'd call it, Two Broke Vans...

One day, while doing door-to-door market research, this guy knocks on a door and is greeted by a beautiful young housewife.

He’s inquiring about a particular petroleum jelly product to see how it’s being used, and by whom.

“Hello,” he starts, “I’m doing some research for a petroleum jelly manufacturer. Have you ever used the product?”

“Yes. My husband and I use it during intercourse,” she answers.

The researcher is stunned by the blunt reply but quickly regains his composure.

“Um, er… I admire you for your honesty,” he continues.

“Can you tell me exactly how you use it?”

“Sure, we put it on the doorknob so the kids can’t get in.”

Good one, thanks for the laugh for today.

Thanks for the laugh!!

A man lies on his deathbed, surrounded by his family: a weeping wife and four children.

Three of the children are tall, good-looking and athletic, but the fourth and youngest is an ugly runt.

“Darling wife,” the husband whispers, “assure me that the youngest child really is mine. I want to know the truth before I die, I will forgive you if-“

The wife gently interrupts him. “Yes, my dearest, absolutely, no question, I swear on my mother’s grave that you are his father.”

The man then dies, happy. The wife mutters under her breath: “Thank God he didn’t ask about the other three.”

Thanks for the