Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 pooh-bah | pooh-bah Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 | A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. “Why so cheap?†she asked the pet store owner. The owner looked at her and said, “Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a brothel, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.â€
The woman thought about this, but decided she wanted the bird anyway. She took it home, hung the parrot’s cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, “New house, new madam.†The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought “that’s not so bad.â€
When her two teenage daughters returned from school. The bird saw them and said, “New house, new madam, new girls.†The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation.
Moments later, the woman’s husband came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, “New house, new madam, new girls – old clients!†| | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Jun 2010 Posts: 18,279 Likes: 552 | Joined: Jun 2010 Posts: 18,279 Likes: 552 |
Moments later, the woman’s husband came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, “New house, new madam, new girls – old clients!â€
I heard that one with a different end ... The husband came home. The bird looked at him and said New House New Madam New girls ..... Hi Frank ....
SUNSHINE VANS-VAN DIEGO ADRENALIN BY THE GALLON & CHASIN RACIN ONE FOR THE DIRT & ONE FOR THE STREETS '93 CHEVY G30 454 4X4 SPORTVAN EXT 146" WB '92 CHEVY G30 454 BEAUVILLE EXT 146" WB | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 32,683 Likes: 172 Old Timer | Old Timer Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 32,683 Likes: 172 |
Jim & Lucy Newkirk 1965 Chevy Bad Influence 1981 Chevy-the Love Shack 2012 Chevy Van , 2020 chevy van 2020 Chevy van Sapphire Sweet. Club Vannerz. vanninvanner@comcast.net | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 pooh-bah | pooh-bah Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 | There was once a magician on a cruise ship who performed mainly sleight-of-hand tricks. He had a regular spot on the ship’s cabaret evening entertainment. He was actually quite a good magician, but his routines were regularly ruined by the onboard parrot who would fly around squawking out and giving away his secrets like: “IT’S UP HIS SLEEVE, IT’S UP HIS SLEEVE!†or
“IT’S IN HIS POCKET, IT’S IN HIS POCKET!†or
“IT’S IN HIS MOUTH, IT’S IN HIS MOUTH!â€
The magician was getting pretty sick of this and threatened to kill the parrot if it ruined his act one more time. That evening right at the climax of his act, just as he was about to disappear in a puff of smoke, the ship hit an iceberg and sank in seconds.
Amazingly, the magician and the parrot were the only two survivors. The magician was lying on a piece of driftwood in a daze. As he opened his eyes he could see the parrot staring at him out of its beady little eye.
The parrot sat there for hours just staring at him and eventually said, “OK, I give up, what did you do with the ship?â€
| | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 pooh-bah | pooh-bah Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 | A young man from Nebraska moves to Florida and goes to a big “everything under one roof†department store looking for a job.
The manager asks, “Do you have any sales experience?â€
The kid replies, “Yeah, I was one of the best Bible salesmen back in Omaha.â€
The boss liked the kid and gave him the job.
“You can start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.â€
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the boss came down.
“How many customers bought something from you today?â€
The kid responds, “One.â€The boss says, “Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day.
How much was the sale for?â€
“$101,237.65.â€
“$101,237.65? Holy Mother of Mary! What did you sell him?â€
“First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then, I sold him a medium fish hook. Then, I sold him a larger fish hook. Then, I sold him a new fishing rod. Then, I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him a twin engine Boston Whaler. Then, he said he didn’t think his car would pull it, so I took him down to the automobile department and sold him a 4×4 truck with all the bells and whistles.â€
“A guy came in here to buy a fish hook, and you sold him a boat and a truck?!â€
“No, the guy came in here to buy feminine products for his wife, and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend’s shot. You should go fishing.†| | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 32,683 Likes: 172 Old Timer | Old Timer Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 32,683 Likes: 172 | Nice
Jim & Lucy Newkirk 1965 Chevy Bad Influence 1981 Chevy-the Love Shack 2012 Chevy Van , 2020 chevy van 2020 Chevy van Sapphire Sweet. Club Vannerz. vanninvanner@comcast.net | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 pooh-bah | pooh-bah Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 |
John was a salesman’s’ delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.
It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11-year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late. “Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?†asked John. “Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,†said Tommy.. The robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair. “Son,†said John, “this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school.†“We went to Bobby’s house and watched a movie..†said Tommy. “What did you watch?†asked Marsha. “The Ten Commandments,†answered Tommy.. The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, “I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.â€
“I am ashamed of you son,†said John. “When I was your age, I never lied to my parents.†The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.
Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, “Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can’t be too mad with Tommy.After all, He is your son!†With that, the robot immediately walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.
| | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Jun 2010 Posts: 18,279 Likes: 552 | Joined: Jun 2010 Posts: 18,279 Likes: 552 |
SUNSHINE VANS-VAN DIEGO ADRENALIN BY THE GALLON & CHASIN RACIN ONE FOR THE DIRT & ONE FOR THE STREETS '93 CHEVY G30 454 4X4 SPORTVAN EXT 146" WB '92 CHEVY G30 454 BEAUVILLE EXT 146" WB | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 2,276 Likes: 152 veteran | veteran Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 2,276 Likes: 152 | | | |
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