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| | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 32,696 Likes: 172 Old Timer | Old Timer Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 32,696 Likes: 172 | Nice!
Jim & Lucy Newkirk 1965 Chevy Bad Influence 1981 Chevy-the Love Shack 2012 Chevy Van , 2020 chevy van 2020 Chevy van Sapphire Sweet. Club Vannerz. vanninvanner@comcast.net | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 pooh-bah | pooh-bah Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 | A man goes in for an interview for a job as a TV news broadcaster. The interview went quite well except for one problem –
He kept winking at the camera.
The interviewer said, “Although you have a lot of the qualities we’re looking for, the fact that you keep winking is a real problem.
I’m afraid we won’t able to hire you unless you get it under control.â€
“Oh, that’s no problem,†said the man.
“If I take a couple of aspirin I stop winking for a couple of hours. More than enough time to get the broadcast doneâ€
“All right, show me,†said the interviewer.
So the man reached into his pocket. First he put his hand in his right pocket, and as he took it out he pulled out loads of condoms of every variety and size, but no pills.
Next he dug into his left pocket, and again pulled out an embarrassing amount of condoms in all shapes and colors before finally finding the packet of aspirin.
He tool the aspirin and the second take went without a single hitch.
The interviewer said, “That’s amazing, I’d hire you on the spot, except that we’re not in the habit of hiring such womanizers. We’ve had too many sexual harassment suits.â€
“Excuse me!†exclaimed the man, “I’m a happily married man, not a womanizer!â€
“Well how do you explain all the condoms, then?†asked the interviewer.
The man sighed. “Have you ever tried going into a pharmacy, asking for aspirin and winking all the while?†| | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 32,696 Likes: 172 Old Timer | Old Timer Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 32,696 Likes: 172 |
Jim & Lucy Newkirk 1965 Chevy Bad Influence 1981 Chevy-the Love Shack 2012 Chevy Van , 2020 chevy van 2020 Chevy van Sapphire Sweet. Club Vannerz. vanninvanner@comcast.net | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 pooh-bah | pooh-bah Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 | Three buddies are out hooning around in a sports saloon.
It’s all fun and games until the guy behind the wheel gets it wrong while trying to drift through a downtown intersection.
Inevitably, the sports saloon ends up slamming into a tree, killing all three of them instantly.
Sometime later, they find themselves at an orientation prior to entering into Heaven.
They are all asked, “When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?â€
The first guy says, “I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man.â€
The second guy says, “I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow.â€
The last guy replies, “I would like to hear them say, ‘LOOK! HE’S MOVING!!'†| | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 32,696 Likes: 172 Old Timer | Old Timer Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 32,696 Likes: 172 | Hell yes
Jim & Lucy Newkirk 1965 Chevy Bad Influence 1981 Chevy-the Love Shack 2012 Chevy Van , 2020 chevy van 2020 Chevy van Sapphire Sweet. Club Vannerz. vanninvanner@comcast.net | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 pooh-bah | pooh-bah Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 | At a World Brewing Convention in the United States, the CEOs of various brewing organizations retired to the bar at the end of each day’s conferencing.
Bruce, the boss of Fosters, shouted to the barman,
‘in ‘Strailya, we make the best bloody beer in the world, so pour me a Fosters, cobber.’
Rob, chief of Budweiser, calls out,
‘In the States, we brew the finest beers of the world, and I make the king of them all. Give me a pint of Bud.’
Hans steps up next,
‘In Germany we invented beer. Give me a Beck’s, the real king of beers.’
Up steps Dutchman Jan, chief executive of Grolsch, who states that Grolsch is the ultimate beer and asks for one with two fingers of head on top.
Patrick, the CEO of Guinness, steps forward.
‘Barman, give me a coke with ice please.’
The other four stare at him in stunned silence with amazement written all over their faces.
Eventually, Bruce asks, ‘Are you not going to have a Guinness, Pat?’
Patrick replies, ‘Well, if you lot aren’t drinking, then neither am I.’
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DynoDave says, "As a Guinness drinker, I LOVE this". | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 pooh-bah | pooh-bah Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 | John asks his wife, Mary what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary.
“Would you like a new mink coat?†he asks.
“Not really,†says Mary.
“Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?†says John.
“No,†she responds.
“Would some beautiful new jewelry do the trick?†he asks, becoming slightly exasperated.
“Nah…†she shrugs.
“What about a new vacation home in the country?†he persists.
She again rejects his offer with a “No thanks.â€
“Well what WOULD you like?†John asks.
“John, I’d like a divorce,†answers Mary.
Sorry,†John sighed. “I wasn’t planning on spending that much.†| | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 32,696 Likes: 172 Old Timer | Old Timer Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 32,696 Likes: 172 |
Jim & Lucy Newkirk 1965 Chevy Bad Influence 1981 Chevy-the Love Shack 2012 Chevy Van , 2020 chevy van 2020 Chevy van Sapphire Sweet. Club Vannerz. vanninvanner@comcast.net | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Sep 2005 Posts: 9,855 Likes: 234 carpal tunnel | carpal tunnel Joined: Sep 2005 Posts: 9,855 Likes: 234 | I'll never forget my grandfathers last words .....
"Stop shaking the ladder you little azzhole!" | | |
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