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Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #733835 March 07th 2018 10:43 pm
Joined: Jun 2010
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LMAO .... good one Dave


SUNSHINE VANS-VAN DIEGO
ADRENALIN BY THE GALLON & CHASIN RACIN
ONE FOR THE DIRT & ONE FOR THE STREETS
'93 CHEVY G30 454 4X4 SPORTVAN EXT 146" WB
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Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #733945 March 12th 2018 4:47 pm
Joined: Nov 2013
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Likes: 32
pooh-bah
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pooh-bah
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A man and his wife were having an argument in bed. After the husband had finally had enough, he jumped up and took a blanket to the couch.

The next day, the wife feeling bad about what happened, decided to buy her husband a gift. Since he was an avid golfer, she went to the pro shop at the club where he usually played golf.

The wife talked with the pro, and he suggested a putter and showed her one of his finest. “How much is it?” she asked.

“One-hundred and fifty dollars,” he replied. She felt that was kind of expensive and told him so.

“But it comes with an inscription,” the pro said.

“What kind of inscription?” she asked.

“Whatever you wish,” he explained. “But, one of the old golfers’ favorites is: ‘Never Up, Never In’.”

“Oh, that will never do!” exclaimed the wife. “That’s what started the argument in the first place.”

Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #733965 March 13th 2018 7:25 am
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 32,696
Likes: 172
Old Timer
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rofl


Jim & Lucy Newkirk
1965 Chevy Bad Influence
1981 Chevy-the Love Shack
2012 Chevy Van , 2020 chevy van
2020 Chevy van Sapphire Sweet.
Club Vannerz.
vanninvanner@comcast.net
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #733970 March 13th 2018 2:17 pm
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 22
L
stranger
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L
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Posts: 22
My wife came back from the doctor and told me she thinks the doctor has got a thing about her.

I said "why do you say that?"

She said "he told me I have acute angina"

Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #733973 March 13th 2018 7:45 pm
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 3,692
Likes: 32
pooh-bah
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pooh-bah
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lol lol lol

==================================================


Joe had asked Bob to help him out with the deck after work, so Bob just went straight over to Joe’s place.

When they got to the door, Joe went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work.

When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her.

Once they were working on the deck, Bob told Joe that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife.

Joe said that he’d started this about six months ago, it had revived their marriage, and things couldn’t be better.

Bob thought he’d give it a go. When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears.

Bob was confused and asked why she was crying.

She said, “This is the worst day of my life. First, little Billy fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And now, you come home drunk!”

Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #733976 March 13th 2018 8:39 pm
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 9,855
Likes: 234
carpal tunnel
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carpal tunnel
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lol

The doctor said, “Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches.
The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.
Joe was shocked and depressed. He had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men’s clothing store and thought, “That’s what I need… A new suit.” He entered the shop and told the salesman, “I’d like a new suit.” The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, “Let’s see…size 44 long.”
Joe laughed, “That’s right, how did you know?”
‘Been in the business 60 years!’ the tailor said.
Joe tried on the suit; it fitted perfectly.
As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, “How about a new shirt?”
Joe thought for a moment and then said, “Sure.”
The salesman eyed Joe and said, “Let’s see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.”
Joe was surprised, “That’s right, how did you know?”
“Been in the business 60 years.”
Joe tried on the shirt, and it fitted perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop, and the salesman asked, “How about some new underwear?”
Joe thought for a moment and said, “Sure.”
The salesman said, “Let’s see…size 36.”
Joe laughed, “Ah ha! I got you, I’ve worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.”
The salesman shook his head, “If you wear a size 34 they'll press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.”

New suit – $400
New shirt – $36
New underwear – $6
Second opinion – PRICELESS

Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #733993 March 15th 2018 7:37 am
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 32,696
Likes: 172
Old Timer
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lol Nice one.


Jim & Lucy Newkirk
1965 Chevy Bad Influence
1981 Chevy-the Love Shack
2012 Chevy Van , 2020 chevy van
2020 Chevy van Sapphire Sweet.
Club Vannerz.
vanninvanner@comcast.net
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #734023 March 16th 2018 5:42 pm
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 3,692
Likes: 32
pooh-bah
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pooh-bah
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Two unemployed guys are talking. One says: “I’m going to become a lion-tamer.”

The other replies, “That’s crazy, you don’t know nothing about no lion-taming.”

“Yes I do!”

“Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?”

“I’ll take that big chair they all carry, and I’ll stick it in his face until he backs down.”

“Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with those big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? What do you do then?”

“I’ll take that whip they all carry, and I’ll whip him and whip him until he backs down.”

“Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big teeth, and bites it in two? What you gonna do then?”

“I’ll take that gun they all carry, and shoot him.”

“Well, what if that gun doesn’t work? What will you do then?”

“I’ll pick up whatever’s on the bottom of the cage, and I throw it in his eyes, and I run out of the cage.”

“Well, what if there ain’t nothin’ on the bottom of the cage? What you gonna do then?”

“You ain’t thinkin’ none to clear – cause if that lion comes at me, and he throws the chair out of the cage, and he bites the whip in two, and my gun don’t work, there’s going to be SOMETHING at the bottom of that cage. You can bet on that!”

Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #734102 March 19th 2018 4:38 pm
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 3,692
Likes: 32
pooh-bah
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pooh-bah
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 3,692
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A student at a management school came up to a pretty girl and hugged her without any warning.

The surprised girl said, “What was that?”

The guy smiled at her, “Direct marketing!”

The girl slapped him soundly.

“What was that?!” said the boy, holding his cheek.

“Customer feedback.”

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