Vannin' Home Forums General Discussion Off Topic Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread

please

They are abundantly available online Jim, as long as you aren't too particular about the peg leg part of the story.

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Q: Why do pirates not know the alphabet?
A: They always get stuck at "c."

Only if it gets hung up 1/2 way out ....lol

Little Mikey and his family were having Sunday dinner at his grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Mikey received his plate, he started eating right away.

"Mikey! Please wait until we say our prayer," said his mother.

"I don't need to," the boy replied.

"Of course, you do," his mother insisted through gritted teeth. "We always say a prayer before eating at our house."

"That's at our house," Mikey explained. "But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook."

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Q: Why doesn't Dracula have any friends?
A: Because he is a pain in the neck.

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The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother Superior drank a little, then a little more. Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop.

"Mother", the nuns pleaded, "Please give us some wisdom before you die". She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and said, "Don't sell that cow".

If tomatoes are a fruit, isn't ketchup a smoothie?

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Q: Why did the scarecrow get promoted?
A: Because he was outstanding in his field.

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Q: Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team?
A: Because she ran away from the ball.

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Q: Why do the French eat snails?
A: They don't like fast food.

do you know the difference between a hormone and an enzyme?


you can't hear an enzyme

An exhausted looking blond dragged himself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep."

"I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over."

"Great," the blond answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot."

A few weeks later the blond returned, looking worse than ever. "Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!"

"I don't understand how that could be", said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pills on the market!"

"That may be true," answered the blond wearily, "but I'm still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it's hard getting him to swallow the pill!"

Q: Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil?
A: Because it’s pointless!

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Q: What do you call a wandering caveman?
A: A meanderthal.

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Q: What does Mortal Kombat and a church in Helsinki have in common?
A: Finnish Hymn!

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Q: What do you do with a sick boat?
A: Take it to the doc.