Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Sep 2005 Posts: 9,879 Likes: 242 carpal tunnel | carpal tunnel Joined: Sep 2005 Posts: 9,879 Likes: 242 | That's not how you spell "y'all". Bless their heart. | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Oct 2009 Posts: 3,772 pooh-bah | pooh-bah Joined: Oct 2009 Posts: 3,772 | Q. How do you know when a woman is going to say something smart?
A. It will start with "He said..."
The only Stephentown on earth. I don't mind Coming to work, but that 8hr wait to go home is a bitch. No matter how little I do, I always feel I could do less. "The only thing wrong with a perfect drive to work is that you end up at work." NOVA VANS 1990 Dodge B150
| | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Dec 2002 Posts: 5,263 Likes: 1 Blendor Of Fine Schnapps | Blendor Of Fine Schnapps Joined: Dec 2002 Posts: 5,263 Likes: 1 | Feb 6
This happened at a New York Airport . This is hilarious. I wish I had the guts of this girl.
An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in New York for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.
For all of you out there who have had to deal with an irate customer, this one is for you. --------------- A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled.
A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.
Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."
The agent replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first; and then I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed.
He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"
Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone.
"May I have your attention, please?" she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.
"We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS.
If anyone can help him with his identity, please come to Gate 14." With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United Airlines agent, gritted his teeth, and said, "F*** You!" Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to get in line for that, too."
starwars tom wyckoff interstellar space truckers I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. Groucho Marx | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Jun 2010 Posts: 12,847 Maniac | Maniac Joined: Jun 2010 Posts: 12,847 | Proud member: Shenandoah Valley Vans ............" REALITY IS JUST AN ELABORATE ILLUSION".................. | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Jun 2010 Posts: 18,308 Likes: 569 | Joined: Jun 2010 Posts: 18,308 Likes: 569 | A man received the following text from his neighbor: I’m so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I do not get any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again.
The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.
A few moments later, a second text came in:
Damn autocorrect! I meant "wifi", not "wife".
| | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Oct 2009 Posts: 3,772 pooh-bah | pooh-bah Joined: Oct 2009 Posts: 3,772 | Two men were out golfing. As one was ready to take his shot, a funeral procession drove by the golf course. The man stopped what he was doing, put down his club, and took off his hat and placed it over his heart. His partner was moved by this and said, "That's the nicest thing I've even seen you do!" The man looked back at him and said, "Well, that's the least I could do after 20 years of marriage..."
The only Stephentown on earth. I don't mind Coming to work, but that 8hr wait to go home is a bitch. No matter how little I do, I always feel I could do less. "The only thing wrong with a perfect drive to work is that you end up at work." NOVA VANS 1990 Dodge B150
| | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Jun 2010 Posts: 18,308 Likes: 569 | Joined: Jun 2010 Posts: 18,308 Likes: 569 | ROTFLMAO !!!
Bob ya want to warn us, I just spit coffee all over everything ! | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Oct 2009 Posts: 3,772 pooh-bah | pooh-bah Joined: Oct 2009 Posts: 3,772 | A drunk was staggering down the main street of town. Somehow, he managed to make it up the stairs to the cathedral and into the building, where he crashed from pew to pew. He finally made his way to a side aisle and into a confessional. A priest had been observing the man's sorry progress. Figuring the fellow was in need of some assistance, he proceeded to enter his side of the confessional. His attention was rewarded only by a lengthy silence. Finally he asked, "May I help you, my son?" "I dunno." came the drunk's voice from behind the partition. "You got any toilet paper on your side?"
The only Stephentown on earth. I don't mind Coming to work, but that 8hr wait to go home is a bitch. No matter how little I do, I always feel I could do less. "The only thing wrong with a perfect drive to work is that you end up at work." NOVA VANS 1990 Dodge B150
| | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Aug 2008 Posts: 18,213 Likes: 2 Supreme Master | Supreme Master Joined: Aug 2008 Posts: 18,213 Likes: 2 |
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