Vannin' Home Forums General Discussion Off Topic Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread

He's baaaaaacckkkkkkkk ....

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."

LMAO you sure have a way of finding a smile for me every day Bob......

Little Johnny and a friend were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store. “What’s it for?’ his friend asked. “I don’t know,” little Johnny replied. “I think you stand on it and it makes you mad. At least it does that for my Mom and Dad.”

A Catholic priest was doing confessions one afternoon and had to relieve himself in the middle of one rather long winded lady telling him of the sins of her week, So not wanting to disrupt her confession he peeks out and finds the Church janitor doing his mopping and motions him near. "What do you need preacher?" "Can you just sit in here and listen to her while I go to the restroom, if she finishes before I return it's nothing too serious so give her 3 hail Marys and she's good to go."

The janitor says sure and the priest goes to relieve himself. The lady goes on and on and finally admits to having oral relations with a neighbor man when her husband was at work. Not knowing what to make of this the janitor sticks his head out to look for the priest and sees an alter boy so he calls him over and asks, "What does the priest give for oral sex?"

The boy says, "$5 and a candy bar"

A man got really drunk one night in his local pub. The barman refused to serve him any more alcohol and told him he should be heading home. The man thought this was a good idea so he stood up to leave but fell over straight away. He tried to stand up again but only fell over again. He thought if only he could get outside and get some fresh air he'd be grand. So he crawled outside then tried to stand up and fell over again. In the end after falling over lots more he decided to crawl home. When he got back to his house he pulled himself up using the door handle but as soon as he let go he fell over again. He had to crawl up the stairs and managed to fall over onto the bed and fell asleep. When he finally woke up the next morning his wife asked him what he was doing at the pub last night. He denied it but she said, "I know you were there..." he maintained his innocence until "...the barman rang to say you forgot your wheelchair again...."