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Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #640431 October 30th 2013 12:18 pm
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lol


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Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #640470 October 30th 2013 4:34 pm
Joined: Aug 2008
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lol


Everyday above ground is a Good Day!!!
Never Stop Vannin'

Member of Break Away Vanners
Host of Spring Break
At Shenandoah Acres Family Campground

Owner & Creator of Wizard's Van-In Videos
Member of Riding High Truckers from 1982 to 1996
2nd Member of The Toopa Sinner Tribe
Member of Free Bird Vanners 1996 to Present
Member of Cape Atlantic Truckers South Jersey
Host Club of Freeze Out
Certified Nats Judge
Member of Shenandoah Valley Vans
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #640493 October 30th 2013 6:55 pm
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 18,286
Likes: 558
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Posts: 18,286
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A redneck with a bucket full of live fish was approached
recently by a Game Warden in Northeast Florida as he started to drive his
boat away from a lake.

The game warden asked the man, "May I see your fishing license please?"

"Naw, sir," replied the redneck. "I don't need none of them there papers.
These here are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?"

"Yep. Once a week, I bring these here fish o'mine down to the lake & let 'em
swim 'round for a while. Then when I whistle, they swim right back into my
net and I take 'em home."

"What a line of bull....you're under arrest."

The redneck said, "It's the truth, Mr. Gov'ment Man. I'll show ya! We do
this all the time!!"

"We do, now, do we?" smirked the warden. "PROVE it!"

The redneck released the fish into the lake & stood & waited.

After a few minutes, the Warden said, "Well?"

"Well, WHUT?" said the redneck.

The warden asked, "When are you going to call them back?"

"Call who back?"

"The FISH," replied the Warden!

"Whut fish?" asked the redneck.






SUNSHINE VANS-VAN DIEGO
ADRENALIN BY THE GALLON & CHASIN RACIN
ONE FOR THE DIRT & ONE FOR THE STREETS
'93 CHEVY G30 454 4X4 SPORTVAN EXT 146" WB
'92 CHEVY G30 454 BEAUVILLE EXT 146" WB
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #640498 October 30th 2013 7:31 pm
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 18,286
Likes: 558
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QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME!
>
> If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?
>
> Can you cry under water?
>
>
> How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
>
>
> Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?
>
>
> Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
>
>
> Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
>
>
> What disease did cured ham actually have?
>
>
> How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
>
> Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?
>
>
> If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
>
>
> Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
>
>
> Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
>
>
> Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
> They're going to see you naked anyway...
>
>
> Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?
>
>
> Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
>
>
> If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
>
>
> If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
>
>
> Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
> They're both dogs!
>
>
> If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
>
>
> If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
>
>
> If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
>
>
> Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
>
>
> Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
>
>
> Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
>
>
> Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
>
> Why, Why, Why
>
>
> Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
>
> Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?
>
> Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
>
>
> Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
>
> Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
>
> Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
>
> Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
>
> Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
>
> If people evolved from apes,
> why are there still apes?
>
> Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
>
> Is there ever a day that mattresses
> are not on sale?
>
> Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
>
> Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
>
> Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
>
> How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
>
>
> Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
>
> In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
>
> How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
>
> And my FAVORITE.........
> The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.


SUNSHINE VANS-VAN DIEGO
ADRENALIN BY THE GALLON & CHASIN RACIN
ONE FOR THE DIRT & ONE FOR THE STREETS
'93 CHEVY G30 454 4X4 SPORTVAN EXT 146" WB
'92 CHEVY G30 454 BEAUVILLE EXT 146" WB
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #640538 October 31st 2013 12:06 am
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 663
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Mike wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees are a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the bedside table. He sits up in bed and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and ironed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless. He takes the aspirins and sees a note on the table which says "Breakfast is on the stove, dear. I left early to go shopping. Love you!" He goes to the kitchen and sure enough, there's a hot breakfast waiting for him, and also the morning newspaper. His son is sitting at the table, eating. Really curious by now, Mike asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His son says, "Well, Mam said you came home after 3 a.m, you stumbled in the door, threw up in the hallway, and passed out half-way up the stairs. Confused, Mike asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?" His son replies, "Oh, that! Mam dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your trousers off, you yelled "Leave me alone woman, I'm a married man"

Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #640539 October 31st 2013 12:08 am
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 663
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And on the flip side an anniversary memory

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee. "What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?" Do you remember when I met you and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do" she replies. The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car, making love?" "Yes, I remember" says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues... "Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'" "I remember that too" she replies softly. He wipes another tear from his cheek and says..."I would have gotten out today."

Last edited by Hoagie; October 31st 2013 12:11 am.
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #640544 October 31st 2013 1:59 am
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 18,286
Likes: 558
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Understanding Engineers #1



Two engineering students were biking acoss a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

�

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

�

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."



Understanding Engineers #2



To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.



Understanding Engineers #3



A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

�

The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

�

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"

�

The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

�

The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!"

�

The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

�

The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if here's anything she can do for them."

�

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"



Understanding Engineers #4



What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.



Understanding Engineers #5



The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

�

The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

�

The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

�

The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?”



Understanding Engineers #6



Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.

�

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

�

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

�

The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"



Understanding Engineers #7



Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.



Understanding Engineers #8



An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

�

He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

�

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."

�

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

�

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."

�

Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

�

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

�

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."



And Finally



Two engineers???



Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top.



A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."



The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.

One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"



Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and are currently serving in the United States Congress.

Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #640549 October 31st 2013 4:23 am
Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 2,427
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lol haha


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Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #640559 October 31st 2013 6:21 am
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 18,213
Likes: 2
Supreme Master
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Joined: Aug 2008
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lol


Everyday above ground is a Good Day!!!
Never Stop Vannin'

Member of Break Away Vanners
Host of Spring Break
At Shenandoah Acres Family Campground

Owner & Creator of Wizard's Van-In Videos
Member of Riding High Truckers from 1982 to 1996
2nd Member of The Toopa Sinner Tribe
Member of Free Bird Vanners 1996 to Present
Member of Cape Atlantic Truckers South Jersey
Host Club of Freeze Out
Certified Nats Judge
Member of Shenandoah Valley Vans
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