Vannin' Home Forums General Discussion Off Topic Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone. He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features.

Meg was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.

The next day Meg went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end.

"Hi Meg," he said, "how do you like your new phone?"

Meg replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though..."

"What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.

"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Water in the carburetor

WIFE: "There is trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous "

WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?

WIFE: "In the pool"

===========================================

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had avocados."

If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again! Men will get it the first time.

teacher says to the redneck girl "use handsome in a sentence."
redneck girl replies "when my jaw starts to get tired, i use my handsome

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" By now, the entire bar is staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200!"

An old guy goes to his doctor for his
physical and gets sent to the Urologist
as a precaution.
When he gets there, he discovers the
Urologist is a very pretty female doctor.
The female doctor says,"I'm going to
check your prostate today, but this new
procedure is a little different from what
you are probably used to.
I want you to lie on your right side,
bend your knees, then while I check
your prostate, take a deep breath and
say,
'99'.
The old guy obeys and says,
"99".
The doctor says, "Great", now turn
over on your left side and again, while
I repeat the check, take a deep breath
and say,
'99".
Again, the old guy says,
'99'."
The doctor said, “Very good”.
Now then, I want you to lie on your back
with your knees raised slightly.
I'm going to check your prostate with
this hand, and with the other hand I'm
going to hold on to your penis to keep
it out of the way.
Now take a deep breath and say,
'99'.
The old guy begins,
"One....
two…
three…"

Oh those bikers!

A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink.

Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table.

He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says:

'I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck-naked.

Man, she is one fine looking woman!'

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word.

His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.

The drunk leans on the table again and says:

'I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!'

The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.

The drunk leans on the table one more time and says,

'I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!'

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes

and says....................













'Grandpa;.......... Go home