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| | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Jun 2010 Posts: 18,286 Likes: 559 | Joined: Jun 2010 Posts: 18,286 Likes: 559 | Two men are drinking in a bar. One turns to the other and says, "I bet you $100 that I can bite my eye." The second fellow thinks to himself, I guess he's had about enough, so he replies, "OK, you're on." The first man takes out his glass eye and bites it. So the second man has to pay. Awhile later the first man says, "I bet you $100 I can bite my other eye." The second man thinks, well, he can't have TWO glass eyes; he obviously can see. So he says, "All right, you're on." The second man promptly takes out his false teeth and bites his other eye. The rest of that joke... So the man goes over and sits with some friends so a while later the man goes back up to the bar and makes this bet, "I bet $500 I can piss this beer bottle full by the time you slide it to the end of the bar....the bar tender scratches his head thinking no one can do that, "your on"....so the guy gets on top of the bar and gets ready, the bar tender has a bottle and slings it down the bar top...the guy is trying to follow the bottle and pissing all over the place.....well the guy hands him $500 goes back to his friends laughing up a storm.....later the guy goes to leave the bar keep stops him and ask "What made you make a fool bet like that".....well I bet you $500 I could fill that bottle and I bet my friends $1000 I could piss all over your bar & you wouldnt say a word.... | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Jul 2011 Posts: 969 Likes: 1 old hand | old hand Joined: Jul 2011 Posts: 969 Likes: 1 | Here's one I heard from my 6 year old nephew.
Why do sharks only swim in salt water? Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
Gone vannin' I'll call you later.
| | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Aug 2008 Posts: 18,213 Likes: 2 Supreme Master | Supreme Master Joined: Aug 2008 Posts: 18,213 Likes: 2 |
Everyday above ground is a Good Day!!! Never Stop Vannin'
Member of Break Away Vanners Host of Spring Break At Shenandoah Acres Family Campground
Owner & Creator of Wizard's Van-In Videos Member of Riding High Truckers from 1982 to 1996 2nd Member of The Toopa Sinner Tribe Member of Free Bird Vanners 1996 to Present Member of Cape Atlantic Truckers South Jersey Host Club of Freeze Out Certified Nats Judge Member of Shenandoah Valley Vans | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Jul 2011 Posts: 969 Likes: 1 old hand | old hand Joined: Jul 2011 Posts: 969 Likes: 1 | A homeowner notices there's a gorilla in the tree in his front yard. So he calls animal control. Animal control arrives and hops out his van with a chihuahua, handcuffs, a stick and a shotgun.
Homeowner asks "How are we going to get this gorilla outta here?"
Animal control "What I'm going to do is, climb the tree and poke the gorilla with my stick when he falls my trained chihuahua will run after his nuts, when the gorilla goes to cover his jewels, you place the handcuffs on him and I'll take him away."
"Ok, sounds easy enough" says the homeowner. "But what's the shotgun for?"
Animal control "Well, in case I fall first, shoot the dog."
Gone vannin' I'll call you later.
| | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Jul 2011 Posts: 969 Likes: 1 old hand | old hand Joined: Jul 2011 Posts: 969 Likes: 1 | How do you make old ladies say "funk"? By yelling bingo.
One day an old man and his wife were sitting in their rockers. The old man reached over and grab his wife's breast and said, "If these produced milk, we could get rid of the cow." Then he reached down and grabbed between her legs and said, "If this was a little warmer, we wouldn't need the furnace." The old woman reached over and grabbed his Richard and said, "If this was a little harder, I wouldn't need your brother."
Gone vannin' I'll call you later.
| | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Aug 2008 Posts: 18,213 Likes: 2 Supreme Master | Supreme Master Joined: Aug 2008 Posts: 18,213 Likes: 2 |
Everyday above ground is a Good Day!!! Never Stop Vannin'
Member of Break Away Vanners Host of Spring Break At Shenandoah Acres Family Campground
Owner & Creator of Wizard's Van-In Videos Member of Riding High Truckers from 1982 to 1996 2nd Member of The Toopa Sinner Tribe Member of Free Bird Vanners 1996 to Present Member of Cape Atlantic Truckers South Jersey Host Club of Freeze Out Certified Nats Judge Member of Shenandoah Valley Vans | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Oct 2009 Posts: 3,772 pooh-bah | pooh-bah Joined: Oct 2009 Posts: 3,772 | A guy walking down a street one afternoon passes an old man sitting on the side of the road with a large sack.
The younger guy says to the old man, "Watcha got in the sack?"
The old man responds, "I got some monkeys in that there sack."
The younger man asks, "If I guess how many monkeys you got in the sack, can I keep one?"
The old man replies, "Son, if you guess how many monkeys I got in this sack, I'll give you both of 'em!"
The only Stephentown on earth. I don't mind Coming to work, but that 8hr wait to go home is a bitch. No matter how little I do, I always feel I could do less. "The only thing wrong with a perfect drive to work is that you end up at work." NOVA VANS 1990 Dodge B150
| | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Jun 2010 Posts: 12,847 Maniac | Maniac Joined: Jun 2010 Posts: 12,847 | Proud member: Shenandoah Valley Vans ............" REALITY IS JUST AN ELABORATE ILLUSION".................. | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Dec 2002 Posts: 5,263 Likes: 1 Blendor Of Fine Schnapps | Blendor Of Fine Schnapps Joined: Dec 2002 Posts: 5,263 Likes: 1 | MY PRIVATE PART DIED
An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home. One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.
Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong. 'Yes, Nurse Tracy ,' said Mr. Wallace.
'My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.'
Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Wallace. Please accept my condolences.'
The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall with his Private Part hanging out of his pajamas.
He met Nurse Tracy. 'Mr. Wallace,' she said, 'You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that. Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas.'
'But, Nurse Tracy I can't,' replied Mr. Wallace. 'I told you yesterday that my Private Part died.'
'Yes,' said Nurse Tracy, 'you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?'
(You've gotta love this.)
'Well,' he replied, 'Today is the viewing.'
starwars tom wyckoff interstellar space truckers I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. Groucho Marx | | |
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