Vannin' Home Forums General Discussion Off Topic Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread

Her minister told an eighty-year-old woman that, at her age, she should be giving some thought to what he called “the hereafter.” She said to him, “I think about it many times a day.”

“Oh, really?” said the minister. “That is very wise.”

“It’s not a matter of wisdom,” she replied. “It’s when I open a drawer or a closet, I ask myself, ‘What am I here after?’”

Sex After Surgery

A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, one Anne Maynard, has sued St Luke's hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.



A hospital spokesman replied ... "Mr. Maynard was admitted in Ophthalmology – all we did was correct his eyesight."

Awesome frscke1

An old farmer wrote to his son in prison. "This year I won't b able to plant potatoes because I can't dig the ground, I know if you were here you would help me." The son wrote back, "Dad don't think of digging the ground because that's where I buried the guns." Police read the letter and the very next day the whole ground was dug by police looking for guns but nothing was found. The next day the son wrote again, "Now plant your potatoes Dad, it's the best I could do from here.

Doctor: What’s wrong with your bother?

Boy: He thinks he is a chicken.

Doctor: really? How long has this been going on?

Boy: Five years.

Doctor: Five years!

Boy: We would have brought him in earlier, but we needed the eggs.

TALIAN HONEYMOON

After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop in Jersey to say hello to this friends.

Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how wasa DA treep?"

... Luigi said, "Everyting wasa perfecto except for DA train ride down."

"Whata you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.

"Well, we boarda DA train at Grana Central Station. My beautiful Virginia , she pack a biga basket a food.

She brough at DA vino, some nice cigars for me, and we were lookina forward to DA trip, and open upa DA luncha basket .

The conductore come aby, waga his finger at us anda say, 'no eat indisa car. Musta use a dining car..'

So, me and my beautiful Virginia, we go to DA dining car, eat a biga lunch and starta at open DA bottle of a nice a vino!

Conductore walka by again, waga his finger and say, 'No drinka in disa car! Musta use a cluba car.' So, we go to cluba car.

While a drinkina DA vino, I starta to lighta my biga cigar. The conductore, he waga is finger again and say, 'No a smokina disa car. Musta go to a smokina car ..'

"We go to a smokina car and I smoke a my biga cigar.

Then my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to a sleeper car anda go to bed. We just about to go boombada boombada and the conductore, he walka through DA hallway shouting at a top of his a voice..

'Nofolka Virginia ! Nofolka Virginia !'

A Californian and an Arizonian were Elk hunting in the Hualapai Mountains when an illegal alien runs across a clearing.

The Arizonian takes careful aim, shoots, and kills him.

"You can't do that!" cried the Californian.

"No, no... Remember this is a Red State, it's legal here in Arizona" replies the Arizonian.

Later that night the Californian goes to Kingman to buy some beer from Wal-Mart. He puts the beer on the roof of his truck and while he's making room behind the seat, an illegal alien runs by, grabs the beer, and runs away.

The Californian thinks "No problem" draws his pistol, shoots, and kills him.

As he is retrieving his beer the police come and arrest him.

"But I thought it was legal to shoot illegal aliens here in Arizona!" protests the Californian.

"Well yeah," says the cop, "but you can't use bait"

"Doctor, Doctor, You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!"

"Do you drink a lot?"

"Not really - I spill most of it!"