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| | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Oct 2009 Posts: 3,772 pooh-bah | pooh-bah Joined: Oct 2009 Posts: 3,772 | Joe, a college student, was taking a course in ornithology, the study of birds. The night before the biggest test of the semester, Joe spent all night studying. He had the textbook nearly memorized. He knew his class notes backward and forward. Joe was ready.
The morning of the test, Joe entered the auditorium and took a seat in the front row. On the table in the front was a row of ten stuffed birds. Each bird had a sack covering its body, and only the legs were showing. When class started, the professor announced that the students were to identify each bird by looking at its legs and give its common name, species, habitat, mating habits, etc.
Joe looked at each of the birds' legs. They all looked the same to him. He started to get angry. He had stayed up all night studying for this test and now he had to identify birds by their LEGS? The more he thought about the situation, the angrier he got.
Finally he reached his boiling point. He stood up, marched up to the professor's desk, crumpled up his exam paper and threw it on the desk. "What a ridiculous test!" he told the prof. "How could anyone tell the difference between these birds by looking at their legs? This exam is the biggest rip-off I've ever seen!"
With that, Joe turned and stormed toward the exit. The professor was a bit shocked, and it took him a moment to regain his composure. Then, just as Joe was about to walk out the door, the prof shouted out, "Wait a minute, young man, what's your name?"
Joe turned around, pulled up his pant legs and hollered, "You tell me, prof! You tell me!"
The only Stephentown on earth. I don't mind Coming to work, but that 8hr wait to go home is a bitch. No matter how little I do, I always feel I could do less. "The only thing wrong with a perfect drive to work is that you end up at work." NOVA VANS 1990 Dodge B150
| | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Aug 2008 Posts: 18,213 Likes: 2 Supreme Master | Supreme Master Joined: Aug 2008 Posts: 18,213 Likes: 2 |
Everyday above ground is a Good Day!!! Never Stop Vannin'
Member of Break Away Vanners Host of Spring Break At Shenandoah Acres Family Campground
Owner & Creator of Wizard's Van-In Videos Member of Riding High Truckers from 1982 to 1996 2nd Member of The Toopa Sinner Tribe Member of Free Bird Vanners 1996 to Present Member of Cape Atlantic Truckers South Jersey Host Club of Freeze Out Certified Nats Judge Member of Shenandoah Valley Vans | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Oct 2009 Posts: 3,772 pooh-bah | pooh-bah Joined: Oct 2009 Posts: 3,772 | A couple is sitting on the porch sipping wine. The wife says, "I love you."
The husband says, "Is that you or the wine talking?"
The wife replies, "It's me, talking to the wine."
The only Stephentown on earth. I don't mind Coming to work, but that 8hr wait to go home is a bitch. No matter how little I do, I always feel I could do less. "The only thing wrong with a perfect drive to work is that you end up at work." NOVA VANS 1990 Dodge B150
| | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Jun 2010 Posts: 18,286 Likes: 559 | Joined: Jun 2010 Posts: 18,286 Likes: 559 | PHONE REPAIR Lawrence , Kansas, December 12, 2008
A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.
The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house.
The phone didn't ring right away, but the dog moaned and the phone began to ring.
Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1 . The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.
4.. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.
Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.
| | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Aug 2008 Posts: 18,213 Likes: 2 Supreme Master | Supreme Master Joined: Aug 2008 Posts: 18,213 Likes: 2 |
Everyday above ground is a Good Day!!! Never Stop Vannin'
Member of Break Away Vanners Host of Spring Break At Shenandoah Acres Family Campground
Owner & Creator of Wizard's Van-In Videos Member of Riding High Truckers from 1982 to 1996 2nd Member of The Toopa Sinner Tribe Member of Free Bird Vanners 1996 to Present Member of Cape Atlantic Truckers South Jersey Host Club of Freeze Out Certified Nats Judge Member of Shenandoah Valley Vans | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Oct 2009 Posts: 3,772 pooh-bah | pooh-bah Joined: Oct 2009 Posts: 3,772 | Three absent minded writers were busy discussing a writing project on the platform, while waiting for the train. The announcement was made, and the train finally arrived. There was complete panic among eagerly waiting passengers as the train made its way to the platform. Passengers rushed inside the train, and the train left. However, one of the writers was not able to catch the train in the confusion.
A passerby who saw all this came up to the writer and told him not to worry and catch the next available train. The writer replied, “I am not worried for myself, but the real problem is that I was the one who was suppose to catch the train, and the two of them who went on the train, actually came to see me off”.
The only Stephentown on earth. I don't mind Coming to work, but that 8hr wait to go home is a bitch. No matter how little I do, I always feel I could do less. "The only thing wrong with a perfect drive to work is that you end up at work." NOVA VANS 1990 Dodge B150
| | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Aug 2008 Posts: 18,213 Likes: 2 Supreme Master | Supreme Master Joined: Aug 2008 Posts: 18,213 Likes: 2 |
Everyday above ground is a Good Day!!! Never Stop Vannin'
Member of Break Away Vanners Host of Spring Break At Shenandoah Acres Family Campground
Owner & Creator of Wizard's Van-In Videos Member of Riding High Truckers from 1982 to 1996 2nd Member of The Toopa Sinner Tribe Member of Free Bird Vanners 1996 to Present Member of Cape Atlantic Truckers South Jersey Host Club of Freeze Out Certified Nats Judge Member of Shenandoah Valley Vans | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Oct 2009 Posts: 3,772 pooh-bah | pooh-bah Joined: Oct 2009 Posts: 3,772 | Two old men were sitting in the yard outside the care home one day when Tim turned to the other and said "John I'm really feeling my age today I just hurt all over, how are you feeling?
John replied "I feel just like a new born babe"
Tim looked at him startled "A New Born babe really?"
"Yep, I have no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."
The only Stephentown on earth. I don't mind Coming to work, but that 8hr wait to go home is a bitch. No matter how little I do, I always feel I could do less. "The only thing wrong with a perfect drive to work is that you end up at work." NOVA VANS 1990 Dodge B150
| | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Dec 2002 Posts: 5,263 Likes: 1 Blendor Of Fine Schnapps | Blendor Of Fine Schnapps Joined: Dec 2002 Posts: 5,263 Likes: 1 | WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED
Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, He or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
starwars tom wyckoff interstellar space truckers I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. Groucho Marx | | |
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