Vannin' Home Forums General Discussion Off Topic Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread

A police man pulls over a drunk driver for not stopping at a stop sign and asks the driver if he saw the stop sign. The driver replies "I did but it turned red too fast for me to stop."

How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb?

NONE, they never get the house!

Social Security

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten Disability, too’

A very well-known international furniture and interior decoration D.I.Y. Store recently set up a customer assistance department. The first call they got was from a lady who had purchased a wardrobe early in the morning. She explained that after assembly the wardrobe had crumbled three times when the public transport bus passed in front of her house. The store sent a technician over to her place. He reassembled the wardrobe - which was in the night hall on the second floor - and then went into it to observe what would happen when the bus, which was due a few minutes later, went by. The phone rang just then and the lady went downstairs to take the call. Just then her husband came home from work with a terrible flue condition. Hearing his wife on the phone he trudged upstairs where he found the wardrobe; on opening one of the doors and seeing the man inside he exclaimed "Wha t the dickens are you doing in there!?!" To which the guy replied "I know you'll never believe this, but I'm waiting for the bus!!"

I have this big problem, doctor – everyone is calling me crazy just because I love hot dogs …

- That’s stupid, in my opinion – frankly, I adore hot dogs too, but nobody calls me crazy ...

- Really? Great, doctor! Why don’t you come along with me and I’ll show you my collection!

Six Basic Rules For Good Health

1.F***ing once a week is good for your health, every day is even better.

2.F***ing gives proper relaxation for your mind & body.

3.F***ing refreshes you.

4.After F***ing don't eat too much ... Go for more liquids.

5.F***ing can even reduce your cholesterol level !!!

SO ... REMEMBER ...

6.**FISHING**is good for your health and soul ...

And may the Good Lord cleanse your Filthy Mind!!!