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Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #609834 April 07th 2013 7:50 pm
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 5,263
Likes: 1
Blendor Of Fine Schnapps
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Blendor Of Fine Schnapps
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 5,263
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THE LUSH!

The young married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant
when the wife looks over at a nearby table
and sees a man in a drunken stupor.

The husband asks,
"I notice you've been watching that man for some time now.
Do you know him?"

"Yes", she replies, "he's my ex-husband,
and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago."

"That's remarkable", the husband replies,
"I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long."


starwars
tom wyckoff
interstellar space truckers

[Linked Image]

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. Groucho Marx

Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #609835 April 07th 2013 7:50 pm
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 5,263
Likes: 1
Blendor Of Fine Schnapps
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Blendor Of Fine Schnapps
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 5,263
Likes: 1
PILOT'S HELL!

Mac died at the controls of his plane and went to pilots' hell,
where he found a hideous devil and three doors.

The devil was busy escorting other pilots to various "hell rooms."

"I'll be right back, don't go away", said the devil, and he vanished.

Sneaking over to the first door, Mac peeked in and saw a cockpit
where the pilot was condemned to forever run through pre-flight checks.

He slammed that door and peeked into the second.
There, alarms rang and red lights flashed
while a pilot had to avoid one emergency after another.

Unable to imagine a worse fate, Mac cautiously opened the third door.

He was amazed to see many beautiful, scantily clad flight attendants
answering to a captain's every whim.

He quickly returned to his place seconds before the devil reappeared.

"Okay, Mac" said the devil, "Which door will it be, number 1 or number 2?"

"Um, I want door number 3" answered Mac.

"Sorry" said the devil.
"You can't have door number 3.
That's flight attendants' hell."



starwars
tom wyckoff
interstellar space truckers

[Linked Image]

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. Groucho Marx

Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #609838 April 07th 2013 7:57 pm
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 5,263
Likes: 1
Blendor Of Fine Schnapps
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Blendor Of Fine Schnapps
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 5,263
Likes: 1

How to Tell the Sex of a Fly


A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter

'What are you doing?' She asked.

'Hunting Flies' He responded.

'Oh. ! Killing any?' She asked.

'Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,' he replied.


Intrigued, she asked. 'How can you tell them apart?'


v

v

v


He responded,


'3 were on a beer can...,


2 were on the phone.'


starwars
tom wyckoff
interstellar space truckers

[Linked Image]

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. Groucho Marx

Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #609841 April 07th 2013 8:00 pm
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 5,263
Likes: 1
Blendor Of Fine Schnapps
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Blendor Of Fine Schnapps
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 5,263
Likes: 1
My neighbor was working in his yard when he was startled by a late model car that came crashing through his hedge and ended up in his front lawn.

He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down on a lawn chair.

He said with excitement, "you appear quite elderly to be driving."

"Well, yes, I am," she replied proudly. "I'll be 97 next month, and I am now old enough that I don't even need a driver's license anymore.

"The last time I went to my doctor, he examined me and asked if I had a driver's license. I told him yes and handed it to him. He took scissors out of the drawer, cut the license into pieces, and threw them in the waste basket, saying,

'You won't need this anymore,' so I thanked him and left


starwars
tom wyckoff
interstellar space truckers

[Linked Image]

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. Groucho Marx

Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #609927 April 08th 2013 11:29 am
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 3,772
pooh-bah
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pooh-bah
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 3,772
Little Johnny's teacher asks, "What is the chemical formula for water?"

Little Johnny replies, "HIJKLMNO"!!

The teacher, puzzled, asks, "What on Earth are you talking about?"

Little Johnny replies, "Yesterday you said it was H to O!"


The only Stephentown on earth.
I don't mind Coming to work,
but that 8hr wait to go home is a bitch.
No matter how little I do,
I always feel I could do less.
"The only thing wrong with a perfect drive to work is that you
end up at work."
NOVA VANS
1990 Dodge B150
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #609948 April 08th 2013 12:52 pm
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 18,213
Likes: 2
Supreme Master
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Supreme Master
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 18,213
Likes: 2
rofl


Everyday above ground is a Good Day!!!
Never Stop Vannin'

Member of Break Away Vanners
Host of Spring Break
At Shenandoah Acres Family Campground

Owner & Creator of Wizard's Van-In Videos
Member of Riding High Truckers from 1982 to 1996
2nd Member of The Toopa Sinner Tribe
Member of Free Bird Vanners 1996 to Present
Member of Cape Atlantic Truckers South Jersey
Host Club of Freeze Out
Certified Nats Judge
Member of Shenandoah Valley Vans
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #610092 April 09th 2013 9:52 am
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 3,772
pooh-bah
Offline
pooh-bah
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 3,772

Gender Slam :: #14990
By AV BOSS from MIDRAND GAUTENG South Africa

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be eight again." she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her off to the local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, every thing there was. Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. Right away, they journeyed to a McDonald's where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to the movies: the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog, popcorn, all the Coke she could drink, and her favorite M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, Well, Dear, what was it like being eight again?" Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "I meant my dress size!!!!!!!

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he's gonna get it wrong.





The only Stephentown on earth.
I don't mind Coming to work,
but that 8hr wait to go home is a bitch.
No matter how little I do,
I always feel I could do less.
"The only thing wrong with a perfect drive to work is that you
end up at work."
NOVA VANS
1990 Dodge B150
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #610188 April 09th 2013 5:18 pm
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 395
T
enthusiast
Offline
enthusiast
T
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 395
OK, Bob....so ya like them little Johnny jokes?

Well, one day little Johnny was in 3rd grade English class, when the teacher (who knew little Johnny's reputation pretty well)asked the students to think of a new word that they'd recently heard and use it correctly in a sentence. All went well until it came to Johnny's turn. When the teacher asked him what word he'd like to use, he smiled and said" "Urinate"

"Oh My God!" the teacher thought now, "What's he going to come up with this time? Oh, well, at least he didn't say "piss"

"OK, Johnny use it in a sentence."

Johnny smiled a wicked grin and said: "My Father says "Urinate!!"
"But if ya had TITS, ya'd be a TEN!!"

Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #610238 April 09th 2013 11:13 pm
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 18,213
Likes: 2
Supreme Master
Offline
Supreme Master
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 18,213
Likes: 2
rofl


Everyday above ground is a Good Day!!!
Never Stop Vannin'

Member of Break Away Vanners
Host of Spring Break
At Shenandoah Acres Family Campground

Owner & Creator of Wizard's Van-In Videos
Member of Riding High Truckers from 1982 to 1996
2nd Member of The Toopa Sinner Tribe
Member of Free Bird Vanners 1996 to Present
Member of Cape Atlantic Truckers South Jersey
Host Club of Freeze Out
Certified Nats Judge
Member of Shenandoah Valley Vans
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