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Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #608942 April 01st 2013 12:08 pm
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 3,772
pooh-bah
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Posts: 3,772

Elderly Jokes :: #547
By Simple Sentiments from USA.

"How was your game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy.

"Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went," he answered.

"But you're 75 years old, Jack!" admonished his wife, "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?"

"But he's 85 and doesn't play golf anymore," protested Jack.

"But he's got perfect eyesight. He would watch the ball for you," Tracy pointed out.

The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Do you see it?" asked Jack.

"Yup," Scott answered.

"Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance.

"I forgot."




The only Stephentown on earth.
I don't mind Coming to work,
but that 8hr wait to go home is a bitch.
No matter how little I do,
I always feel I could do less.
"The only thing wrong with a perfect drive to work is that you
end up at work."
NOVA VANS
1990 Dodge B150
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
DrBob #608984 April 01st 2013 3:43 pm
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 12,847
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Posts: 12,847
lol


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Proud member: Shenandoah Valley Vans


............" REALITY IS JUST AN ELABORATE ILLUSION"..................

Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #609079 April 02nd 2013 11:53 am
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 3,772
pooh-bah
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pooh-bah
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 3,772
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"

The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"

One little girl raised her hand and said,

"I think he said: 'Holy Mackerel! A talking chicken!'"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.



The only Stephentown on earth.
I don't mind Coming to work,
but that 8hr wait to go home is a bitch.
No matter how little I do,
I always feel I could do less.
"The only thing wrong with a perfect drive to work is that you
end up at work."
NOVA VANS
1990 Dodge B150
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #609241 April 03rd 2013 10:02 am
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 3,772
pooh-bah
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pooh-bah
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 3,772
A Sunday school teacher asked the children in her class, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would I get into Heaven?"

"No!" the children all answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get into Heaven?"

Again the answer was "No!"

"Well", she continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"

A five-year-old boy shouted out, "You gotta be dead!"


The only Stephentown on earth.
I don't mind Coming to work,
but that 8hr wait to go home is a bitch.
No matter how little I do,
I always feel I could do less.
"The only thing wrong with a perfect drive to work is that you
end up at work."
NOVA VANS
1990 Dodge B150
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
DrBob #609242 April 03rd 2013 10:12 am
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 12,847
Maniac
Offline
Maniac
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 12,847
lol


[Linked Image]




Proud member: Shenandoah Valley Vans


............" REALITY IS JUST AN ELABORATE ILLUSION"..................

Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #609272 April 03rd 2013 2:42 pm
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 18,286
Likes: 558
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1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee...

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal - and someone always answers.

6. Variation Law - If you impatiently change lines, when standing, or traffic lanes, while driving, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you moved to.... (works every time)

7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!

10. Law of Bio-Mechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Law of the Theater &Hockey Arena - At any given event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the restroom and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated with the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!!!

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy As soon as you find a product that you really like—they will stop making it.

19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But, don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.


SUNSHINE VANS-VAN DIEGO
ADRENALIN BY THE GALLON & CHASIN RACIN
ONE FOR THE DIRT & ONE FOR THE STREETS
'93 CHEVY G30 454 4X4 SPORTVAN EXT 146" WB
'92 CHEVY G30 454 BEAUVILLE EXT 146" WB
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #609291 April 03rd 2013 5:14 pm
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 18,213
Likes: 2
Supreme Master
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Posts: 18,213
Likes: 2
rofl True


Everyday above ground is a Good Day!!!
Never Stop Vannin'

Member of Break Away Vanners
Host of Spring Break
At Shenandoah Acres Family Campground

Owner & Creator of Wizard's Van-In Videos
Member of Riding High Truckers from 1982 to 1996
2nd Member of The Toopa Sinner Tribe
Member of Free Bird Vanners 1996 to Present
Member of Cape Atlantic Truckers South Jersey
Host Club of Freeze Out
Certified Nats Judge
Member of Shenandoah Valley Vans
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #609426 April 04th 2013 5:19 pm
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 3,772
pooh-bah
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 3,772
A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?"

The trainer replied; “Use the ATM outside the gym!!!"


The only Stephentown on earth.
I don't mind Coming to work,
but that 8hr wait to go home is a bitch.
No matter how little I do,
I always feel I could do less.
"The only thing wrong with a perfect drive to work is that you
end up at work."
NOVA VANS
1990 Dodge B150
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #609434 April 04th 2013 6:57 pm
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 18,286
Likes: 558
Offline
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 18,286
Likes: 558
OH Bob, you can do better than that....


SUNSHINE VANS-VAN DIEGO
ADRENALIN BY THE GALLON & CHASIN RACIN
ONE FOR THE DIRT & ONE FOR THE STREETS
'93 CHEVY G30 454 4X4 SPORTVAN EXT 146" WB
'92 CHEVY G30 454 BEAUVILLE EXT 146" WB
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