Vannin' Home Forums General Discussion Off Topic Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread

Henny Youngman Quotes



Doctor Jokes

A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says, "You're crazy. "The man says, "I want a second opinion."
The doctor says, "OK, you're ugly, too."

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"

The Doctor says, "You'll live to be 60!" "I AM 60!" "See, what did I tell you?"

The patient says, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." Doctor: "Then don't do that!"

The doctor says to the patient, "Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window". "What will that do?" asks the patient. The doctor says, "I'm mad at my neighbor!"

A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"

"Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?" The doctor says, "Limp!"

Doctor says to a man, "You're pregnant!" The man says, "How does a man get pregnant?" The doctor says, "The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner..."

A man goes to a psychiatrist. "Nobody listens to me!" he says. The doctor says, "Next!"

"Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears." "Don't answer!"

Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office." Doctor: "Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in."

I know a guy whose doctor told him, "Take some weight off; go to a health club." The man lost 20 pounds in one week! The machine tore his leg off!