Henny Youngman Quotes

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Wife Jokes

Youngman's wife, Sadie Cohen, was often the butt of his jokes but in reality she often toured with him, the two were very close and were married for over 60 years.

I miss my wife's cooking - as often as possible.

My wife said to me, “For our anniversary, I want to go somewhere I've never been before.” I said, “Try the kitchen!'"

My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.

My wife is an earth sign. I’m a water sign. Together we make mud.

When my wife asked me to start a garden, the first thing I dug up was an excuse.

My wife will buy anything marked down. She brought home two dresses and an escalator.

I haven't talked to my wife in three days. I didn't want to interrupt her.

I took my wife to a wife-swapping party. I had to throw in some cash.

A woman wrapped herself in Saran Wrap to take off some weight. Her husband comes home, sees her, and says, "Leftovers again."

My wife was at the beauty shop for two hours, and that was only for the estimate.

My wife’s cooking is fit for a king. "Here, King!"

I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in.

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.