I was visiting a monastery recently and I saw a sign that read, "In case of fire, break vow of silence."


One day a college student comes home for spring break, and he and his dad start a conversation.

"So how are your classes?" Asks the father.


"How is the football team playing this year?"


"Making new friends?"


"What are you thinking of majoring in?"



The Seven stages of man...

Spills, Drills, Shrills, Bills, Ills, Pills, and Wills.


Way down upon the Mississippi, two tugboat captains, who had been friends for years, would always cry, "Aye!" and blow their whistles whenever they passed each other.

A new crewman asked his boat's mate, "What do they do that for?"

The mate looked surprised and replied, "You mean that you've never heard of... an aye for an aye and a toot for a toot?"