Q: What's the difference between a Boner and a Bonus?
A: There's a good chance your wife's gonna blow the bonus...

A husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding
anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.'"

"Yeah?!" she replies."When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads,
'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"

Doctor to patient: "Do you like to drink, smoke, and play around with women?"

"Yes doctor," replied the patient.

"You should abstain, and do you like eat steaks, potatoes, etc".

"Well yes," said the patient.

"You should do it with moderation," said the doctor.

"Will I live longer" asked the patient "if I do all that?".

"No," replied the doctor "but it will seem to be longer".