When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer "Yes" to him.
Never tell your mom her diet's not working.
Stay away from prunes.
Never pee on an electric fence.
Don't squat with your spurs on:
Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to:
When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
Ever allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment.
Don't sneeze in front of mum when you're eating crackers.
Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.
Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick.
Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.
When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone.
Never try to baptize a cat.
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I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. Groucho Marx