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An 80-year old Scotsman went to the doctor for a check-up.

The doctor was amazed at the great shape the old fellow was in and asked.

How do you stay in such great physical condition?

I am Scots and I'm a golfer.' Said the old fellow. And that's why I'm in such good shape.

I am up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways.

I have a wee nip of whisky on each hole, and that's it.

Well, said the doctor, 'I'm sure that helps, but there has to be more to it.

How old was your dad when he died?

Who said my dad died?'

The doctor was amazed.

You mean you are 80 years old and your dad's still alive. How old is he?

He's a 100 years old. Said the old Scottish golfer. In fact he golfed Wi' me this mornin',

and then we went to the topless beach for a walk and another wee dram, and that's why he's still alive.

He's a Scot and a golfer too.

Well, the doctor said. That's great, but I am sure there's more to it than that. How about your dad's dad?

How old was he when he died?

Who said my grandad is dead?

Stunned, the doctor asked. You mean you are 80 years old and your grandfather is still living!

Incredible, how old is he?

He turned 118 last month. Replied the old Scot.

The doctor was getting frustrated at this point:

So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?

No. Grandad could nae go this mornin' because he's getting married today.

At this point the doctor was close to losing it.

Getting married?! Why would a 118-year old bloke want to get married?

Who said he wanted to?

tom wyckoff
interstellar space truckers

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I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. Groucho Marx