A man is walking behind his wife and says, "Baby, your arse is getting so fat, it's looking like a washing machine." The woman keeps quiet and keeps walking. Bedtime comes around, the man is asking for sex. The woman says; "I'm not starting the washing machine for such a small load. You'll have to hand wash it!"
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I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. Groucho Marx