Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So
when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest
voice, "What's the trouble?"

"I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a
card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home.
I'll have you know, my husband was in all morning! He never heard a

After apologizing, I got her parcel.

"Oh good!" she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages!"

"What is it?" I asked.

"My husband's new hearing aid."

tom wyckoff
interstellar space truckers

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I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. Groucho Marx