A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic
garbage bags behind her. One of the bags ripped, and every once in a while
a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk... Noticing this, a policeman
stopped her, and said, “Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of your
bag.” “Oh, really? Darn!” said the little old lady. “I’d better go back,
and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me.” “Well, now, not so
fast,” said the cop. “How did you get all that money? You didn’t steal it,
did you?” “Oh, no”, said the little old lady. "You see, my back yard is
right next to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of
fans come and pee through the holes in the fence into my flower garden and
that kills my flowers. So, I’ve taken to standing behind the fence with my
hedge clippers, and each time some guy sticks his thing through the fence
I put the clippers around it and tell him ‘That will be ‘$20 or off it
comes!’” “Well, that seems only fair” laughed the cop. “OK. Good luck!
Oh, by the way, what’s in the other bag?” “Well, you know, not everybody

tom wyckoff
interstellar space truckers

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I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. Groucho Marx